IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Wrirte about the following topic: In many countries today, there are people living on or below the poverty line. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #wrirte #topic #countries #people #poverty #line #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people live under the
povery
Correct your spelling
poverty
 line in various underdeveloped and developing nations across the globe. The main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 condition include
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and consequent loss of employment
opputunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. The solutions to these problems are not easy, but with government interventions, it is not impossible to
irradicate
Verb problem
eradicate
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses in detail the various reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem and their possible solutions. The first and foremost reason for
poverty
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of educational avenues for children born in
such
Linking Words
 families.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the kids are enrolled in schools at a younger age,
drop out
Correct your spelling
dropout
show examples
 rates as they enter high school are much higher than students from affluent
familes
Correct your spelling
families
.
This
Linking Words
 is probably
due to
Linking Words
 pressure from within the family to join a daily wage job and support the family, which forces them to leave school. Consequent to
this
Linking Words
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 they have
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 employment avenues in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Another problem lies
deeprooted
Correct your spelling
deep rooted
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, which I like to call 'favouritism'. The rich and
privilliged
Correct your spelling
privileged
 sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 their friends and family, not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 transforms the
society
Use synonyms
 into which
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 richer and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
poorer, pushing them
further
Linking Words
 under the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line. Having discussed the poor educational and employment
opportuinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 available for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 marginalized sections, there are possible solutions for uplifting them from
this
Linking Words
 misery. But, for
this
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 needs a government with a clear vision to end
this
Linking Words
 issue. The first proposed
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
 intervention is by passing a law which abolishes child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. The law should enforce a compulsory primary and high school
education
Use synonyms
 for all its citizens. The second idea is
by reserving
Change preposition
to reserve
show examples
 a percentage of jobs
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people coming from financially marginalized societies.
This
Linking Words
 ensures equitable distribution of wealth amongst its citizens. In conclusion,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 there are multiple reasons for people living under
Use synonyms
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line, including
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and
empoyment oppotunities
Correct your spelling
employment opportunities
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 possible ways by
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
 intervention to abolish
poverty
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by davidksimson on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments, try including more specific examples or case studies from real-world scenarios or personal experiences. This can elevate the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'irradicate' instead of 'eradicate' and 'deeprooted' instead of 'deep-rooted'. Proofreading your work before submission can help catch these errors.
task achievement
Your essay presents a thorough discussion of the problem and provides potential solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. This satisfies the task response criterion well.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that elaborate on your points, and a concise conclusion. This helps in maintaining the logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: