IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.do u agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
There is a controversial disagreement over the subject ‘
will
Change preposition
of will
show examples
 physical shops close down in future
due to
 online shops or not’. In fact, there are two sides to discuss which we will illustrate in
this
 article. On the one hand, there is no chance for stores to close permanently because of several reasons.
First,
urgent needs for some products require you to shop in person
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping takes at least one week to deliver your order.
In addition
, there might be some differences between the photo of the product and the physical one.
For example
, colours, materials, and size.
Furthermore
, some people can’t trust and pay the price for unknowns. Ultimately, people can not get rid of the habit of retail therapy.
on the other hand
, there are a few reasons that tell us they won’t lose their popularity over time. shopping online is an excellent way for introverts who avoid communicating with others.
Besides
, it is flexible and you can order 24/7 and there is no need to get outdoors to shop.
Finally
, the wide range of products available makes it easier for you to compare items and choose the best which fits you.
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
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 what we said, the advantages and drawbacks of neither of them will dominate the other. So, physical stores will
last
as well as
 online shops.
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

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task response
The introduction of your essay smoothly presents the issue, but it could better outline the main points to be discussed. Consider briefly stating the main arguments in the introduction.
task response
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed. You have made an argument for both sides but could benefit from deeper analysis and more examples on how physical shops maintain their relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking words and phrases to make your points more interconnected. Transitions between ideas, within and between paragraphs, can improve the logical flow. For instance, use connectors like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'Conversely' to better guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay provides sound arguments, some ideas need further support. Expanding on specific examples and including more evidence will strengthen your positions.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and maintains a balanced viewpoint.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on the debate over online shopping versus physical shops.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
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