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Band 5.5

some universty students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification

#universty #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
A few university
students
 want to study more
subjects
, including their major
subjects
,
however
, other
students
 think that they should focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their main
subjects
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, there are some
students
 who want to study more
subjects
in addition
 to their
subjects
, they think that will help them .
For example
, art will help some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to improve their talent, and maybe in the future, one of the
students
 will be the biggest artist in the world.
Furthermore
, the
student
 when they study more
subjects
 they will understand the world. It is
also
 important to highlight that the
student
 will spend their free time doing something helpful and they love it.
On the other hand
, some
students
 are against the idea of studying more
subjects
, and they prefer to focus on their main
subjects
. One of the reasons they are against that idea is that the
students
 believe they should be focused on their
subjects
 and class. Another point to consider is that the
students
 think they will be more active,
also
 they will have a lot of free time. More importantly, their parents told them to focus on their
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 and lessons.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
 some university
students
 are for studying more
subjects
in addition
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 major
subjects
, and some
students
 are
against
Correct pronoun usage
against it
show examples
. In my opinion, I am for
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 about other
subjects
, because that will help our society and culture,
also
 improve the
student
 with their talents.
Submitted by joudaalhammadi on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and provide more varied vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your arguments by providing more detailed examples and analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining structure.
task achievement
The main ideas are addressed, showing a balanced discussion of the given topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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