IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Human activity has had a negative impact on plans and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both and give your opinion.

#activity #impact #plans #animals #world #people #actions #change
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It would not be deniable that human interventions have
a bad effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bad effect
bad effects
show examples
 on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and climate all over the world.
While
 some crowds claimed that these activities would not be altered, I agree with those who believe that some approaches should be implemented to help animals and plants. On the one hand, supporters of human doing said that it can not be changed. Many times ago, people have done it without considering wildlife and forests. Apart from that, I concede that many inventions and medicines are found in
this
 way to help humans not only
do they
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live comfortably, But
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cure
completely
Correct pronoun usage
them completely
show examples
.
As a result
, human interventions could not be separated from today's lives.
However
, I think it would be morally wrong.
On the other hand
,
although
 human activity may
violence
Correct your spelling
violate
show examples
 animal rights and destroy jungles,
It is clear that
 plays an important role in many aspects of development.
For example
, finding medical allergies that, unfortunately, may cause death for many species of animals.
Furthermore
, annually,testing war equipment destroys
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
 and vegetation. I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should implement strategies to conserve wildlife and continue research and testing by allocating special areas or nurturing suitable types of animals for experiments. In conclusion,
while
 advocates of human activity argue that it may not be altered, I agree with those who are concerned about environmental issues and believe some alternative ways should be taken.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints effectively and presents a clear opinion. However, it would benefit from more specific and detailed examples. For instance, providing names of countries or specific technologies can enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkwardly phrased sentences. For example, 'supporters of human doing said that it can not be changed' could be more clearly stated as 'supporters of human activities argue that they cannot be reversed.'
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Transitions between sentences could be smoother. Using connecting words like 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can help in achieving better flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively present the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: