Some people believe that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Healthy
body Correct article usage
A healthy
possess
Change the verb form
possesses
the
healthy mind. Extracurricular Correct article usage
a
activitues
are Correct your spelling
activities
also
very important as the
academic studies. Correct article usage
apply
According to
few people
Add a comma
people,
non academic
subjects should be removed so that Add a hyphen
non-academic
children
can focus more on their studies. In my view
Add a comma
view,
this
is not a good idea to remove these activities
. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will describe some points to justify my opinion.
On the first
hand, extracurricular Correct word choice
other
activities
helps
our Change the verb form
help
children
to be physically as well as
mentally fit. They allows
us to do exercise like in sports. These Change the verb form
allow
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
programs
not only allows
us to understand ourselves Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
as well as
many thing
of survival in Change to a plural noun
things
this
tough life such
as patience etc.
On the other hand
, extracurricular programs
teaches
us Change the verb form
teach
team work
and how to behave well in a group. Correct your spelling
teamwork
For instance
, while
working in team
how to support Correct article usage
a team
other
and work as a single unit to make the whole team Fix the agreement mistake
others
succed
.
These subjects taught us how to be strong in every aspect Correct your spelling
succeed
and
Correct word choice
apply
to
respect Fix the infinitive
apply
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
while
controlling your
emotions and do well in stressful situations. They boost our confidence Correct pronoun usage
our
such
giving presentations infront
of crowds. It will boost the morale of the Correct your spelling
in front
children
.
Apart from teaching us many things mentioned above they also
allows
us some time to relax the students from their hectic and Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
tensed
studies and help them to get some rest and Replace the word
tense
cine
back with Correct your spelling
come
more
fresh mindset.
In conclusion, these Add an article
a more
activities
are very important as they groom children
both physics
well Replace the word
physically
as
mentally to be Correct word choice
and
a
Correct article usage
apply
stron
individuals. People think Correct your spelling
strong
this
in
not important but they are ignoring the importance of these Correct your spelling
is
programs
on the well-being of their children
. In future, authorities should focus more on these programs
so that students and all children
can participate in such
kinds of activities
.Submitted by ijazwamiq on
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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. Ensure that you clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion and ensure it reinforces your overall argument.
general language
Try to improve your language use to avoid grammatical errors and enhance readability. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.
task achievement
You have successfully taken a clear stance on the issue and aimed to justify your opinion with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to give your essay a complete structure.
task achievement
Your essay covers multiple aspects of the importance of extracurricular activities, including their benefits for physical and mental health, teamwork, confidence, and relaxation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.