Some people believe that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
show examples
body
possess
Change the verb form
possesses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy mind. Extracurricular
activitues
Correct your spelling
activities
are
also
very important as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic studies.
According to
few
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects should be removed so that
children
can focus more on their studies. In my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
this
is not a good idea to remove these
activities
. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will describe some points to justify my opinion. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
hand, extracurricular
activities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
our
children
to be physically
as well as
mentally fit. They
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
us to do exercise like in sports. These
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
programs
not only
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
us to understand ourselves
as well as
many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
of survival in
this
tough life
such
as patience etc.
On the other hand
, extracurricular
programs
teaches
Change the verb form
teach
show examples
us
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
and how to behave well in a group.
For instance
,
while
working in
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
how to support
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
and work as a single unit to make the whole team
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
. These subjects taught us how to be strong in every aspect
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
respect
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
while
controlling
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
emotions and do well in stressful situations. They boost our confidence
such
giving presentations
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
of crowds. It will boost the morale of the
children
. Apart from teaching us many things mentioned above they
also
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
us some time to relax the students from their hectic and
tensed
Replace the word
tense
show examples
studies and help them to get some rest and
cine
Correct your spelling
come
show examples
back with
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
fresh mindset. In conclusion, these
activities
are very important as they groom
children
both
physics
Replace the word
physically
show examples
well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
mentally to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stron
Correct your spelling
strong
individuals. People think
this
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not important but they are ignoring the importance of these
programs
on the well-being of their
children
. In future, authorities should focus more on these
programs
so that students and all
children
can participate in
such
kinds of
activities
.
Submitted by ijazwamiq on

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. Ensure that you clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion and ensure it reinforces your overall argument.
general language
Try to improve your language use to avoid grammatical errors and enhance readability. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.
task achievement
You have successfully taken a clear stance on the issue and aimed to justify your opinion with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to give your essay a complete structure.
task achievement
Your essay covers multiple aspects of the importance of extracurricular activities, including their benefits for physical and mental health, teamwork, confidence, and relaxation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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