IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is necessary for
kids
Use synonyms
 to learn the
difference
Use synonyms
 between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong
while
Linking Words
 they are at an early age.
Punishment
Use synonyms
 is needed to make them learn from their mistakes.
First,
Linking Words
kids
Use synonyms
 who do not get punished when they are wrong will be more hard to teach because they do not get any
punishment
Use synonyms
 when they are wrong. They will be more confident when they want to try new things because they won't be afraid to get punished. Some
kids
Use synonyms
 know when they are wrong and it is better to make them know their own mistakes and they can change themself.
Second,
Linking Words
kids
Use synonyms
 who get punished when they are wrong will know their own mistakes, and there is more chance for them to become better
kids
Use synonyms
 because they know the
difference
Use synonyms
 between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong at an early age. It is important to teach them the
difference
Use synonyms
 between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong to make them more educated.
Kids
Use synonyms
 who know the
difference
Use synonyms
 between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong will likely become successful wherever they go because at least they know the basic rules.
Third,
Linking Words
the sort of
punishment
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should use to teach good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to children is stopping their pocket money for a
while
Linking Words
 so that they can not buy anything. It is good to make them think about their own mistake and try to change. Teachers are allowed to call the kid's
parents
Use synonyms
 to come to the school and talk about their kid's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 so that the
parents
Use synonyms
 can punish their
kids
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
,
to conclude
Linking Words
, it is very important for
kids
Use synonyms
 to learn the
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong things to do at an early age.
Punishment
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 required to make them understand, but
parents
Use synonyms
 have to make sure that they do not do physical
punishment
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the main question, but it could further explore the extent of agreement or disagreement and provide more balanced arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure is generally logical, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions to enhance flow.
task achievement
More specific examples of appropriate punishment methods would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the importance of teaching right and wrong to kids at an early age.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively reinforces the main ideas discussed, summarizing the key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: