IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Learning lots of
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 in school is important, but sometimes we
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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 to teach
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 children how to having a good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people or even
stranger
Fix the agreement mistake
strangers
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, before teaching about
behaviour
Use synonyms
, parents must teach their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to know the difference between right and wrong in every situation. First thing
first,
Linking Words
parents should
giving
Change the verb form
give
be giving
show examples
 an example of two
condition
Change to a plural noun
conditions
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 that
really
Add a missing verb
are really
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 opposite and
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 the effect that can
happened
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 if their
child
Use synonyms
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 the
things
Use synonyms
. Don't tell them about the
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
 in
scary
Change the article
a scary
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way
Use synonyms
, despite the children will avoid the bad
things
Use synonyms
, sadly they'll feel scared too over. It's better to
warned
Change the verb
warn
show examples
 them in
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
way
Use synonyms
. Appreciate them when they have done
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
good things
a good thing
show examples
things
Use synonyms
,
give
Correct word choice
and give
show examples
 a positive affirmation like compliment them, so they will
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
. If the
child
Use synonyms
 doesn't have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
behaviour
Use synonyms
, some of
parents
Add an article
the parents
show examples
 give they a punishment. But for me, that's the worst
way
Use synonyms
 to educate
child
Use synonyms
behaviour
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
given
Change the form of the verb
giving
show examples
 up, the
child
Use synonyms
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 it's a traumatic moment in their life and
also
Linking Words
 it has a big potential for them to
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
more wild
Replace the words
wilder
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. They'll
searches
Change the verb form
search
show examples
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 ways to hide their mistake
and
Correct word choice
which
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 worse every day. So, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. If
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 were a mom,
I'll
Verb problem
I'd
show examples
 ask them first why they do
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 bring them into a deep conversation in
simple
Change the article
a simple
show examples
way
Use synonyms
. After that, I'm gonna give them some advice to stop the bad
things
Use synonyms
 and start to teach them to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 directly.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to provide structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the support for your main points by including more specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Be sure to comprehensively address both parts of the task, focusing more on what sorts of punishment, if any, are appropriate.
task achievement
The essay offers an important perspective on using positive reinforcement instead of punishment.
coherence cohesion
The writer communicates a clear opinion on the necessity of punishment in teaching children.
task achievement
The essay discusses alternative methods to punishment, such as deep conversation and positive affirmation, providing depth to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
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