Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the goverment, while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some argue that public
health
should be managed by authorities
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
feel that individual should be responsible for their own
health
. In my opinion,a balanced approach is
solution
Change the article
a solution
show examples
because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
provides resources
while
it's
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
to utilise them. On the one hand,the
government
has a duty to provide public
health
services and infrastructure.
This
means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
governance has
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
to
introduced
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
new rules to set food safety standards.At the same time,authorities have different kinds of rules related to physical
health
,their work is to make sure that every person
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
them.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
provides vaccination
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
and support during
health
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
like
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
.
For example
, in recent years ,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
affected by corona virus and
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
helps people and hospitality services
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
free for every person which makes human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
easy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
COVID -19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
. Does
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of responsibilities
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
public
health
campaigns and they should take regulatory measures to ensure
health
services
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
On the other hand
, arguing that individuals need to take proactive steps to maintain their
health
. It depends on their personal lifestyle choices
such
as diet and exercise.
Moreover
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
must be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
personal hygiene to prevent the separate of disease.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
can provide
cost free
Add a hyphen
cost-free
show examples
resources but its people
preference
Replace the word
prefer
show examples
to use them effectively
for example
individuals have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to choose healthy food,engage in physical activities and avoid risky behaviours
such
as smoking and consuming alcohol. By taking protective measures for their
health
people can maintain their
health
and contribute to their own well-being.
To conclude
, it shows a rational view where both the
government
and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
place their own key rules.Both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
must be honest about their work.The awareness in both
Idea
Change to a plural noun
Ideas
show examples
leads to better
health
care.
Submitted by komalpreetcheema07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure clarity and grammatical accuracy. There are minor grammatical mistakes, such as in the first sentence where 'governance has duty' should be 'the government has a duty'. This helps in making the essay easier to read and understand.
cohesion
Use more connective words and phrases to ensure better flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', and 'In addition' can make your points transition more smoothly.
task
Include more relevant examples to support your points. While you did mention COVID-19, try to provide more concrete examples for individual responsibility as well.
structure
Make sure to separate ideas into different paragraphs. For instance, start a new paragraph when discussing individuals' responsibilities to clearly distinguish from the government's responsibilities.
task
Good effort in addressing both sides of the argument, which shows balanced analysis skills.
coherence
Your conclusion successfully encapsulates the points made earlier in the essay, showing a clear summarization.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • public health campaigns
  • regulatory measures
  • vaccination programs
  • health crises
  • proactive steps
  • lifestyle choices
  • personal hygiene
  • financial burden
  • neglect
  • collaboration
  • mutual accountability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: