In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.
Getting
high
salary to make your loved ones become wealthy and healthy is Correct article usage
a high
high
listed in our life competition in Replace the word
highly
21st
century. One says just being with Correct article usage
the 21st
them
who Correct pronoun usage
those
is
working is Correct subject-verb agreement
are
factor
of happiness, Add an article
a factor
the factor
while
other
thinks everything is based on money.
My father started working Correct article usage
the other
for
mining a year ago. Before that time, we were not capable Change preposition
in
for
using Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
the stuffs
stuffs
we Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
want
, following Wrong verb form
wanted
result
of poverty which is just Add an article
the result
meaning
of Correct article usage
the meaning
Correct article usage
the mongolian
mongolian
average weigat. When Change the capitalization
Mongolian
i
needed to fund money for my school or essential Change the capitalization
I
circumstance
, Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
lused
to be afraid to say it to Correct your spelling
used
family
who Correct pronoun usage
my family
is
trying their best Wrong verb form
were
tor
me.
One day, time my father went off from Correct your spelling
for
airport
to OYU TOLGOl, we did not worry about Add an article
the airport
such
materialic things. My parents got chance
to make their children accessible for learning, entertaining, and not Correct article usage
a chance
to
worrying. Change preposition
apply
However
, perfection isn't existed
in the world. We siblings unfortunately started missing our dad who Change to the active voice
doesn't exist
hasn't existed
is
supporting us from far Wrong verb form
was
way
feeling inside my heart and mom secretly too. Correct your spelling
away
Eventhough
it happened, we knew there Correct your spelling
Even though
is
always a way to solve any problem. We always Wrong verb form
was
making
video Wrong verb form
make
call
on internet platforms, Fix the agreement mistake
calls
talking
about new stories Wrong verb form
talk
Correct pronoun usage
that happenned
happenned
to Correct your spelling
happened
themselves
and Correct pronoun usage
us
sending
glorious Wrong verb form
send
gift
to each other. We learnt to feel Fix the agreement mistake
gifts
side
of Add an article
the side
Correct your spelling
loneliness
lonelyness
Now we are used to living in Correct your spelling
loneliness
this
life already because we know what it is for and it will not continue eternally. It’s for my future, meant to be their
.Replace the word
there
Submitted by sodoo on
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language
Try to improve the accuracy of language use to ensure clarity. Some phrases and sentences could be more precise and less ambiguous.
structure
Consider structuring your introduction and conclusion more clearly, summarizing your main points effectively.
content
Expand on the challenges and advantages with more balanced arguments to provide a comprehensive perspective.
content
Good use of personal example to support your argument about moving away for work.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt well, by discussing both the emotional and material aspects of moving away for work.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.