IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.
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The line chart illustrates the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 who were employed in four countries during two decades from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 employed in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 was
Change preposition
at a
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest point during
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 decades. 
According to
Linking Words
 what was shown in the chart, the rate of
women
Use synonyms
 employed in
Afgahnistan
Correct your spelling
Afghanistan
 was increasing
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 from 1985 to 1995 about 5% .
Then
Linking Words
 , it sharply dropped from 35% to 10% from 1995 to 2000. After that, it reached to lower point in 2005.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in Korea, the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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was rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 from 20% to 40% during two decades.
Moreover
Linking Words
, during1985 to 1990, the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 employed in France went down around about 10%. After five years, it suddenly went up from 30% to 45%.
Then
Linking Words
, it increased again slowly to 50% in 2002 and it became the same level in 2005.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of women employed
  • employment trends
  • notable changes
  • significant increases and decreases
  • periods of stability
  • specific years and percentages
  • overall trend
  • compare and contrast
  • similarities and differences
  • throughout the period
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