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Band 3

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities，the government encourages business move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#traffic #cities，the #government #business #move #area
Nowadays, traffic and housing are huge problems in the
cities
 which
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 are powerless against
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Goverment encourges
Correct your spelling
Government encourages
business
move
Fix the infinitive
to move
show examples
 to the
rurar
Correct your spelling
rural
 area to
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 these problems.
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
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 all of the mega cities1 population suffer from traffic and housing which is hard to explain and define
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for them. Urban
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 are getting bigger and bigger every day. A virus group of
people
 suggest that the government support
business
move
Replace the word
moving
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 to the towns which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
village
Correct article usage
the village
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 economy, and
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 traffic
housing
Correct word choice
and housing
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dificculty
Correct your spelling
difficulties
. It could be one of the most important
key
Change to a plural noun
keys
show examples
 to
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
these issues. Every day humans move to work city and improve their lifestyle which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
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 the same thing.  There are too many
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
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 which can reduce employees
those
Change preposition
in those
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 areas.
People
 should work there and live
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 own
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.
The
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other hand if
business
 moves to the
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 we
couldn
Correct your spelling
could
 observe employees and increases in
mega
Correct your spelling
megacities
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cities
 because
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 depends on
people
.
People
 are running all of the
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 in the city. After that in
cities
 prices will be higher than before.
Ones
Fix the agreement mistake
One
show examples
 decreasing
cities
 can cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
maximum prices. Urban populations don’t have to choose any opportunity for their
business
. All in
all
Add a comma
all,
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 we can not say what is the best solution for them so
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should make
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 law for
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
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 and
country
Correct article usage
the country
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, which keeps
Correct article usage
the balance
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balance
Change the verb form
balancing
show examples
one
Change preposition
of one
show examples
 another.
Governments
Change noun form
Governments'
Government's
show examples
 first purpose there to make their economy one another.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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clear comprehensive ideas
You should work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Some parts are a bit unclear and can confuse the reader.
relevant specific examples
Make use of relevant and specific examples to support your points, giving your arguments more weight.
logical structure
Improve the overall logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next, maintaining a consistent line of reasoning.
complete response
You have addressed the prompt and made an attempt to balance the advantages and disadvantages of moving businesses to rural areas.
introduction conclusion present
An introduction and conclusion are present in your essay, which helps in organizing your thoughts clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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