Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

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Too much consume
sugar
can lead to many diseases. Some
people
argue that the
government
should take responsibility
to limit
Change preposition
for limiting
show examples
people
's
sugar
consumption.
On the other hand
, some
people
think it is more like
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual responsibility. I think it is both,
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
government
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
can work together to decrease the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of diseases that
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
caused by
sugar
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
.
To begin
with, the
government
must
educates
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educate
show examples
their citizens and
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
awareness of
health
. The
government
can try to make a curriculum at school.
By
Change preposition
Through
show examples
that, the students since early have a self-awareness
about
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of
show examples
the impacts of excessive
sugar
consumption. Not only that
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
the
government
can make a free webinar about
sugar
consumption. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
,
people
from
lower-middle
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the lower-middle
show examples
class still have access to
health
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
. So, the
government
could adopt these
prevent
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preventive
show examples
ways to limit the amount of
sugar
that the citizens eat.
Eventhough
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Even though
the
government
have
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has
show examples
a crucial role in
this
case, the
people
must
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
for their own
health
.
For example
,
people
can just as simple as in one day give 15 minutes to do exercises. Another thing they can do is routinely
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
medical
check-up
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check-ups
show examples
. I am totally sure that doing some
sport
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sports
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
and
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to the doctor can help to control their
sugar
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
.
Besides
, it will
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
them because the costs for
inpatient
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inpatients
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in a hospital
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more pricey than spare time to exercise.
To sum up
, it is wrong if the
government
and the individual work independently to solve the problem of excessive
sugar
. Both have their own proportions to facing
this
case. If they work together, it will
make
Verb problem
increase
show examples
the chance
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
health
bigger
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Grammar
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Examples
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Cohesion
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Conclusion
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Argumentation
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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