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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors ina particular country from 1978 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors ina particular country from 1978 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #age #groups #cinema #visitors #ina #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart depicts the presentation of several
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 of cinema visitors in a certain country
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1978 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ages between 14
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 over 50
years
Use synonyms
 have
similarity
Fix the agreement mistake
similarities
show examples
 which is the percentage was significantly decreased in 1988. In 2008, the ages started from 14 until 49
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steadily and only
groups
Use synonyms
 of more than 50
years
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
, in the same year. In 1978, a
group
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 14
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 24 had
starting
Correct article usage
a starting
show examples
 point
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 90 per
cent
Use synonyms
. But, decreased sharply around 79 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1988.
Then
Linking Words
, hit the same numbers by like in 1978 in
years
Use synonyms
 1998. Another
group
Use synonyms
,
age
Use synonyms
 25 until 34 in 1978 had
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 number than before
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
, which was 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 experienced degradation in 1988 approximately 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Move to other
groups
Use synonyms
,
age
Use synonyms
 35 until 49 in 1978 got a total percentage
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and dropped from time to time until
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1998.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, rose up again in presentation.
Last
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
of
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 above 50
years
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
rank
Replace the word
ranked
show examples
 among other
groups
Use synonyms
 which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1978. Surprisingly, in 2008 the line trend was up.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, years, group, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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