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Band 3

Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

#sugar #consumption #diseases #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #individual’s #amount
The two maps illustrate the main changes which took place in Tumbledown between 1995 and 2010. In general, it can be seen that
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 of Tumbledown
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 bigger, with more buildings than before. To the north of the river, the park made way for a science park and museum, which was slightly bigger in size. The school, which was to the east of the park in 1995, was demolished and a hotel and a spa were built
ni
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 its place.
Finally
, some shops were constructed to the south of the hotel and spa. To the south of the river, there was the replacement of the farmhouse and farmland with a science academy and science laboratories. The city of Tumbledown expanded to about one
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
half times its size.
While
 there was a hospital to the northeast of the city, it no longer existed
ni
Correct your spelling
in
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 2010. To the east of Tumbledown, the large wood area was cut down
ot
Correct your spelling
to
 about 20% of its original size. The top area was replaced by a hi-tech centre
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010.
Submitted by mianraza686 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher band score, consider including a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that restates the main findings. This helps to frame your essay better.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor spelling mistakes like 'ni' instead of 'in' and 'ot' instead of 'to'. These small errors can affect the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the changes between 1995 and 2010.
coherence cohesion
The explanations provided are clear and logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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