IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You recently went to concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him how you feel. Write a letter to the singer Say how you feel about his performance Give detail of your musical activities Explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities.

#concert #singers #singer #performance #detail #activities
Dear Sherry, I am Andy from Hong Kong, I am writing
this
 letter regarding my impression
while
 attending the summer music festival held in Taiwan. It is the first time I have had a chance to listen live performance from you. Your performance is impeccable, I wet my eye when you sang the most popular song.
Moreover
, I really appreciate
on
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apply
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your effort to interact with the audience which
create
Change the verb form
creates
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 a unique experience
to
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for
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 everyone in
this
 event. I am
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
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 singer who will play busking at
local
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the local
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 plaza during
weekend
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the weekend
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. Mostly I will create my tuned version of some famous songs from different singers across the world. By the way, I
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be grateful if you could spare
sometimes
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
on
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to
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 listen and comment
my
Change preposition
on my
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 demo which
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 enclosed
on
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in
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this
 letter. It will be
benefit
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beneficial
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 to me greatly
has
Change the verb form
to have
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 some
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
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 from professional
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
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 like you. I look forward to hearing back from you Best Regards, Andy
Submitted by andy1031227 on

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coherence cohesion
While the letter effectively conveys your admiration and requests assistance, a few minor grammatical errors hinder the overall clarity. Examples include 'spare sometimes on listen and comment' which should be 'spare some time to listen and comment.'
task achievement
To improve task achievement, you might consider adding more specific details about how feedback can aid your musical activities, potentially mentioning any specific goals you have or areas where you seek improvement.
task achievement
The letter provides a heartfelt appreciation of the performance and clear details about your musical activities.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and respectful, enhancing the formal tone of the letter.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a distinct idea, contributing to the overall clarity of the letter.
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