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Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.--DELETED LINK--

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.--DELETED LINK--
#books #men #women #burnaby #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons #link--
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The graph demonstrates the count of
books
 read by the male and female population at Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the reading habit was increased among both the genders.
However
,
gents
Correct article usage
the gents
show examples
 community read more
books
 than
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 opposite gender, which exhibited a downward trend over the course of time.
Initially
, in the year 2011, about 3000
books
 were studied by men
whereas
 their
number
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 2000 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of women. By the year 2012, males went through 4000
books
.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 females verified double the
books
 read by men.
Moreover
, the
number
 of
books
 studied by both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders was
augmented
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 till 2013 and at that point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time, an identical
number
 of
books
 were studied by both of them which is about 10000.
However
, from the year 2013, the
number
 of
books
 read by females was diminished and
finally
 by 2014 they read about 7000
books
.
In contrast
, the
books
Correct quantifier usage
number of books
show examples
 read by males
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased over time and
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 they read double the
number
 of
books
 studied by females.
Submitted by sivaleelamahendra1214 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, however, in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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