IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.

The chart below shows the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.
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The
supplied
Verb problem
apply
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pie charts indicate the percentage of
Correct article usage
the communitie's
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communitie's
Correct your spelling
community's
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in a distinguished country which was spent on various staff in 1958 and 2008. It can be clearly seen that the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
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 on purchasing clothes in the past.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 did not prefer to spend their wages on travel and transport over the period.(Which was the lowest proportion of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 over the period). In 1958,nearly a third of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 chose to spend their salary on clothing (%32) in a European country(which was the highest proportion of
spendig
Correct your spelling
spending
 over the whole year),compared to
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on clothes at %12 in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
,just under a quarter of
people
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 at %22 liked to purchase houses in 1958.Whilst,32 per cent of the communities tended to
spent
Change the verb
spend
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 their
money
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 on housing in 2008.
In addition
Linking Words
,precisely %18 of
people
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 were interested in spending their income on entertainment in 1958,just ahead of
people
Use synonyms
 who
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to spend their salary on entertainment at %16 in 2008.
In contrast
Linking Words
,a tiny fraction of
people
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 (%7) chose to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on luxury goods in 1958,as opposed to
people
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 who were keen on spending wages on luxury goods at %17 in 2008.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,the number of
people
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 who liked to spend their
money
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 on travel or
trasport
Correct your spelling
transport
 was %13 in 1958.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of
money
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expenditure
Use synonyms
 on travel and transport was %6 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 country in 2008.(Which was the lowest amount of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 over the period).

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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, money, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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