The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this action?
Recently,there was a debate with
Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
due to
an
impact of horror Correct article usage
the
films
to
Change preposition
on
society
Change noun form
society's
violence
crimes assuming that Replace the word
violent
such
multimedias affects
people and make them more aggressive.I completely Change the verb form
affect
diagree
with Correct your spelling
disagree
such
a statement.
To begin
with,I would like to highlight the age restriction on such
type
of movies,most of them have sixteen Fix the agreement mistake
types
and
more restrictions meaning that Correct word choice
or
such
materials are made for mature
part of Correct article usage
the mature
population
which Add an article
the population
dont get
affected by it.Verb problem
is not
Moreover
,films
with violance ganre
mostly find to reduce Correct your spelling
violence are
stress
Add an article
the stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
on
people.They find scare Change preposition
in
element
in Fix the agreement mistake
elements
films
great for stress or anger relief and makes
their day less Correct subject-verb agreement
make
energy consuming
by saying it leaves Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
refreshing
feeling afterwards.
Correct article usage
a refreshing
Secondly
,the goverment
controlling Correct your spelling
government
violance
number in Correct your spelling
violence
films
is ridiculus
.Correct your spelling
ridiculous
Goverment
should focus on more life Correct your spelling
Government
chaneging
topics of Correct your spelling
challenging
country
Add an article
the country
such
as its economics or real criminal rate,after all the goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
nothing to do with cinematic industries.As regards Correct subject-verb agreement
has
to
its effect on Change preposition
apply
human's
crimes,it doesn't appear reasonable from Change noun form
human
a
sight of murderers Correct article usage
the
whos
intentions for Correct your spelling
whose
such
action been
motivated by their own Add a missing verb
have been
believes
and Replace the word
beliefs
sometimies
even by their Correct your spelling
sometimes
enviroment
.
To summarize,I find Correct your spelling
environment
this
debate unreasonable and confusing in some parts because of its none
impact on Correct quantifier usage
no
violance
or crime matters which is not connected to Correct your spelling
violence
goverments
.I believe that horror movies have more advantages on our anger and stress than on our intentions for murder.Correct your spelling
governments
government
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay clearly addresses all parts of the prompt. Although your stance is clear, your arguments need more development and specificity to fully meet the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical transitions between your ideas to make your arguments more coherent. Use linking words and phrases to ensure your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention studies or statistics that show the impact of age restrictions or the psychological effects of horror films.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling. Errors such as 'ganre' instead of 'genre' and 'whos' instead of 'whose' can detract from the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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