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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The first bar graph depicts the percentage of the total amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed
Use synonyms
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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,
while
Linking Words
 the second chart illustrates the share of
world
Use synonyms
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation by different
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that the majority of the
world
Use synonyms
's power
sources
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 consumed using oil,
while
Linking Words
 coal was the key raw material used to generate
electricity
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. As can be seen in the graph, oil, coal and gas were the three major
sources
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 of
energy
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 that the
world
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 consumed
from
Change preposition
apply
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, with the proportion of all combined equals
to
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apply
show examples
over 80% of the total amount.
However
Linking Words
, there were
also
Linking Words
 other minor
sources
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as combustible renewables and waste, nuclear power, and hydropower, accounting for 10.6%, 6.5% and 2.2%, respectively. Other
sources
Use synonyms
 unknown constituted
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less than 1% of the total
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed. In terms of
electricity
Use synonyms
 production, it is obvious that the main source was
from
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apply
show examples
coal, at almost 40%. The second was gas, which constituted one-fourth of
electricity
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 generation globally. Next
were
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was
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 power from hydro dams and nuclear plants, which shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 figure at around 16%. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, no significant amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 was generated using oil and other raw materials, as both combined account for less than 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, world, electricity, sources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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