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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of part- time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of part- time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the percentage of part-time employees in four different countries of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
part–time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 workers in three of the countries which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 England, Northern Ireland and Wales in 1980 is greater than that in 2010. It can be seen that Scotland is the only
county
Correct your spelling
country
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 in the United Kingdom which has a higher number of part-time workers in 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Northern Ireland suffered a slight decrease in the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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 working part-time as the percentage dropped from about 15% in 1980 to 13% in 2010. England
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 a percentage of part-time employees of over 20% in 1980.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 approximately 31%. It is noticeable that the number of part-time workers increased in 31years.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in both Scotland and Wales, there are more people working as a part-time employee in 1980 compared to 2010.
However
Linking Words
, Scotland experienced a relatively dramatic increase of 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 than that of Wales which is 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 point.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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