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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #energy #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The percentage of renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 in
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 supply from 4 regions is depicted in the bar chart from 1997 until 2010. In 1997, Australia showed a low proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
eco-friendly
energy
Use synonyms
 which was about 10
tons
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 happened in Sweden
with was
Verb problem
which
show examples
 showed the smallest percentage. Both countries had been showing insignificant improvement in
comparing
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to other countries.
While
Linking Words
Australia
Change noun form
Australia's
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 supply
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
, those in Sweden rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
delicately which was approximately 5 and 9
tons
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
other northside country
Change the wording
another northside country
other northside countries
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Iceland pictured a good improvement
to utilize
Change preposition
in utilizing
show examples
 their renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 which brought
this
Linking Words
 region to have the highest proportion of supply
energy
Use synonyms
 among others which was about 50-70
tons
Use synonyms
 all over the
year
Use synonyms
 given. Turkey the country between Asia and Europe has
benefit
Change the verb form
benefited
show examples
 from their location
due to
Linking Words
 the fossil fuel.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 country
also
Linking Words
 showed a proper percentage of their renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 supply which was about 37-40
tons
Use synonyms
 in 1997 and 2000 even though the number fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 35 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 situation showed that
Icelanded
Correct your spelling
Iceland
as well as
Linking Words
 Turkey have been showing a good commitment
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 eco-friendly
energy
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, tons, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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