The most important aim of science should be to improve the people's lives . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
These days ,
science
has become a crucial segment of our lives
. Some people
assume that the core objective of technology should be to better the individual's lives
. I totally agree with this
idea and In this
essay , I will support my opinion with examples .
Firstly
, science
enlarged the average life span of people
.In the
recent years,seven out of eight babies died before reaching their first birthday but now with the advancement in the medical field ailments can be easily controlled . Correct article usage
apply
For instance
,in 2022, American laboratories discovered the COVID-19 vaccine which secured the lives
of numerous people
across the world.
Furthermore
, transportation has become more convenient due to
technological innovations. For example
, last
year in India , NASA inaugurated the automatic driverless train to made
the Wrong verb form
make
lives
of people
too much comfortable . Moreover
,It reduced the travel time and connected several stations from Delhi to Hyderabad .
Conversely
, excessive use of internet makes the children its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
addict
and Replace the word
addicted
also
unhealthy because they spend most of their time on smartphones and other appliances which weakens their eyesight and Rephrase
apply
also
they get tired .
In conclusion, the main motive of science
should be to provide people
with modern facilities. I personally believe that science
should make more innovations for the development of humans .Submitted by mianraza686 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear standpoint and supports it with relevant examples. However, to improve, ensure that ideas are consistently expanded upon with more depth. For instance, adding more detailed explanations regarding how transportation advancements impact daily life would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Focus on reducing spelling errors (e.g., 'assume' should be 'believe') and grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'to made' should be 'to make'). Additionally, avoid repetitive phrases like 'science should' and vary sentence structures for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the cohesion of the essay by using a variety of linking words. Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'for example' are helpful, but adding variety will create a smoother flow of ideas. Organize ideas in a more logically structured manner to ensure each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, be clearer about the extent to which you agree or disagree, and maintain that clarity throughout the essay. For the conclusion, ensure it reinforces your key points and aligns with the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and clearly states the writer’s viewpoint.
task achievement
Relevant examples were provided to support the points, such as the COVID-19 vaccine and automatic driverless trains.
coherence cohesion
The basic structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is maintained, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good effort to use linking words like 'Firstly' and 'Furthermore', which helps in guiding the reader through the points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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