IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

ummarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Graph: Average UK salaries, by city.

#ummarise #information #features #comparisons #uk #salaries #city
The bar chart shows the average salary for seven different UK
cities
. When looking at the chart
it is clear that
 your earning will vary depending on your geographical location. On average, Londoners earn far more than residents of other
cities
.
However
, it is
also
 interesting to note that other
cities
 in the South of England have disproportionately high remuneration with Cambridge at £29,854 the second highest followed by Bristol at £27,828
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 highest are the two Scottish
cities
 and again it is the workers in the capital who attract a higher salary than those in Glasgow with £27,592 and £26,150 respectively. Residents of the
cities
 of Manchester and Birmingham earn a fairly similar amount and at just over
twenty five
Add a hyphen
twenty-five
show examples
 thousand pounds
this
 is the lowest on the chart.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 in the UK your earning potential is dependent on your location with people living in the
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
 and especially the capital earning considerably more.
Submitted by drcamt on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying the sentence structures to avoid repetition, particularly in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Try to include more specific figures and examples when making comparisons to strengthen the analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the general trend observed in the chart.
task achievement
You have made relevant comparisons between different cities, which strengthens the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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