IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams bleow show the stages in the production of yoghurt.

The diagrams bleow show the stages in the production of yoghurt.
The diagrams illustrate the steps in the fabrication of
yoghurt
Use synonyms
, comprising four steps: pasteurization, homogenization, fermentation, and packaging.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the stage begins with pouring all ingredients – milk, dry milk, sugar, and stabilizers – into a huge hygienic stainless steel vessel and should be heated to 85 degrees for pasteurization. It leads
then
Linking Words
 the process of homogenization, allowing the steel vessel
be
Add the particle
to be
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 cooled to 42 degrees.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the cultures are added to the mixture and stirred. In
this
Linking Words
 stage, it should be
fermentated
Correct your spelling
fermented
 and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stopped at 7 degrees.
Finally
Linking Words
, when the
youghurt
Correct your spelling
yoghurt
is
Verb problem
has
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 undergone all these stages, it’s ready for
packaing
Correct your spelling
packing
. It is poured
in
Change preposition
into
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 jars and made available to be distributed to the market.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it should take four steps to make
yoghurt
Use synonyms
, from pasteurization to packaging.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is essential to comply with the correct temperature to produce the
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 at each stage. The
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 is made with the changed temperature of three times over the course of the making process.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yoghurt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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