IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #world #work #employees #job #conditions #life #change #people #future
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I believe it's
due to
 the fast development of technology. Back
to
Change preposition
in
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industrialization
Correct article usage
the industrialization
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 era, machines replace human work.
For instance
, in the past, we had to weave by our hands.
However
,
there's
Wrong verb form
there are
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 a lot of sewing machines which save time for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employers, because of the advancement of science and technology. Technology makes a variety of different effective tools for people, and these tools can perform the work employers need much more effectively and with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 errors.
Therefore
, it helps the companies save time and money, which is crucial for employers to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
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.
For instance
, nowadays, artificial intelligence has been improving quickly beyond anyone's imagination. It can easily identify the bugs
of
Change preposition
in
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 a code snippet and give concrete solutions
of
Change preposition
to
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given
Add an article
a given
the given
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 problem. And that's the reason why a lot of engineers are no longer needed. If employees are not familiar with AI and don't know how to debug with that, they are going to be replaced by emerging tools very soon because they will be less effective and creative.
Then
 they will lose jobs, being unable to stick to the same working conditions. My suggestion regarding the situation is
keeping
Change the verb form
to keep
show examples
 learning new things and
remaining
Wrong verb form
remain
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 curious about the world. Learning makes us keep improving and be more adaptive,
while
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 motivates us to learn,
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
 know more about our living environment. Artificial intelligence can improve by giving a lot of data. If we want to make good use of AI, the only way is to learn, so we can understand what AI can do and what they can't do. Focus on what they can't do, and ask them to perform the task they can perfectly handle.
Submitted by sophialin61328 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. A conclusion to summarize your ideas is also essential.
logical structure
Adding transitions between paragraphs will improve the logical flow and cohesion of your essay.
complete response
Expanding on the causes of rapid change in the workplace and providing a bit more depth in your suggestions for preparation would enhance your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
More detailed examples and explanations will help to support your main points more effectively.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples which significantly strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay touches on pertinent aspects of technological advancements and their impact on employment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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