IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
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Some believe that teenagers have
happiest
Change the article
the happiest
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 period of
life
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while
Linking Words
 others state that adulthood brings more
happiness
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, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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greater responsibilities. Less responsibilities in teenage
years
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 and freedom of choice in adult
years
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 can
explains
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explain
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 these statements and my opinion is that
,
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apply
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 adulthood brings more
happiness
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 as you have more control in
life
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. People are known to have fewer responsibilities during their teenage
years
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. They are told to focus mainly on studies and for some a sport
in addition
Linking Words
. Essential necessities are provided by the parents or guardians.
As a result
Linking Words
, teenagers spend most of their time care-free doing what makes them happy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some individuals might claim that teenage
years
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brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 more
happiness
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 to one's
life
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.
However
Linking Words
, adults are independent in many ways. Many have stable occupations which give them the opportunity to
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 various
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 and
also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial stability allows adults to spend freely without consulting their parents or guardians. Freedom of choice and decisions make an adult live
life
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 with minimum stress, which eventually brings more
happiness
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. As the definition of
happiness
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change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 as we age, my opinion is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood brings more
happiness
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because peace in
life
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is obtained by having full control
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one's
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some believe that teenage
years
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 are the happiest days in
life
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that adult days are the happiest.
Submitted by lithmakumaradasa on

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task achievement
In the task achievement area, consider including more specific examples to support your points. For instance, provide concrete instances where freedom of choice in adulthood leads to happiness, or particular carefree activities that teenagers engage in that contribute to their happiness.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion could be enhanced by improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, using phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' to contrast teenage and adult happiness could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
You've done an excellent job of including both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you present a well-rounded discussion of both viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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