Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might be the case? What could be the advantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays, many
people
choose to be self-employed, rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work for a company or organisation. Why might
be
Correct pronoun usage
this be
show examples
the case? What could be the
disadvantages
of being self-employed
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Making a
business
is a new trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because everyone
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
to choose self-employed without
depend
Change the verb form
depending
show examples
on
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
from
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
disadvantages
of being self-employed. On the one hand, some
people
believe that when they work in their
business
is more valuable rather than working in the company.
This
case
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
in some cities, because satisfaction job
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
the most important character or point for everyone. The first reason,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
environment social is very
influence
Replace the word
influential
show examples
for work-life balance.
For instance
, when someone has a good friend actually it can improve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
quality
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
.
Secondly
, almost every
people
need to maintain their mental health
such
as good communication, and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. That's why many
people
prefer to make
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
and become an owner.
On the other hand
, many
people
argue that
self-employed
Add a missing verb
being self-employed
show examples
can be
Correct article usage
a disadvantages
show examples
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental health issues
such
as loneliness, stress and afraid when
take
Verb problem
making
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some decisions. First of all, the most common problem for
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
show examples
business
is financial condition, because it can fluctuate sometimes it can increase and sharply decrease
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
income. That problem is very
seriously
Change the word
serious
show examples
when someone
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
have more knowledge about finance management. After that, some
people
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
debt in the bank and it is able to make
a new problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
new problems
a new problem
show examples
.
Moreover
,
taking
Verb problem
they make
show examples
a wrong decisions
Correct the article-noun agreement
wrong decisions
a wrong decision
show examples
like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing strategy and
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
development. The owner usually
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
abut
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a new plan for their
business
,
hence
they
are fully stress
Change the verb form
are fully stressed
show examples
and can depretions. In summary, self-employed has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
advantages and
disadvantages
, because it can be affect for
mental-health
Correct your spelling
mental health
show examples
issues
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
, the most valuable is satisfaction job and the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
is
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in financial management.
Submitted by writingbersama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic, but you need to improve the structure. Make sure to clearly outline the reasons why people choose to be self-employed and then discuss the disadvantages separately. This will make your essay easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction mentions both aspects of the question: why people choose to be self-employed and what the disadvantages are. Your conclusion should summarize both points as well.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point you present is well-supported with specific examples and explanations. This will help make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on improving your grammar and vocabulary. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles. For example, 'everyone prefer' should be 'everyone prefers' and 'make a business' should be 'start a business.'
complete response
You have made an effort to address both parts of the question, discussing why people choose to be self-employed and the disadvantages of this choice. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
supported main points
Your essay includes some relevant points, such as discussing the importance of job satisfaction and work-life balance as reasons for choosing self-employment.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: