IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Organised tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is this a positive or negative development for the local people and the local environment?

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More and more tourism companies are offering organized vacations to destinations that are less frequently visited.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 can see benefits, l believe that
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is a negative development. Admittedly, one positive is that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 can bring external revenue which is often much needed. Tourists require facilities during their stay, which include accommodation and meals, and
in
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

addition
Add a comma
addition,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in addition. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 they often purchase souvenirs and cultural artefacts.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 naturally stimulates the local economy, creates jobs, and raises the
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 standard of living, and, at the same time, allows these areas to invest more in protecting their environment. When managed carefully,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 can bring prosperity to a region,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as parts of southern Africa, which have leveraged safari visits from foreigners to not only help bring locals out of poverty, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 create teams of wildlife protectors to prevent animal poaching.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my feeling is that the drawbacks are more persuasive. One is that remote regions are often culturally sensitive, and commercialisation can damage locals' way of life. Seeing religious icons being sold in less developed locales to
western
Capitalize word
Western

The word western should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
 tourists can be dispiriting, and can weaken their cultural meaning and importance. Another is that tours inevitably bring waste and pollution, and l believe that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 cannot always be compensated by the influx in expenditure, Transport infrastructure
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as
Largel
Correct your spelling
large

If you don’t want Largel to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

roads and train lines are built, often through ecologically fragile areas,
not to mention
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there are increased energy and waste disposal needs, which can have devastating impacts on the natural environment. The beautiful
surrounds
Replace the word
surroundings

The word surrounds doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 of Machu Picchu
inPeru
Correct your spelling
in Peru

If you don’t want inPeru to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

is a relevant case in point, having been damaged by the trekking of millions of tourists. In summary,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there may be positives of a rise in tours to remote places, I think that there are more detrimental consequences.

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grammar
Ensure to thoroughly check for grammatical errors, typos, and punctuation mistakes to enhance clarity and readability.
structure
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, reinforcing the conclusion with a slightly more detailed summary of the main points could add to the essay's impact.
vocabulary
Provide more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to exhibit a higher range of language proficiency.
examples
The essay presents relevant specific examples, such as the reference to safari visits in southern Africa and the impact on Machu Picchu.
development
Main points are well-supported and clearly developed throughout the essay, showcasing effective task achievement.
structure
The logical structure is well-maintained, and ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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