Some people consider sport to be their career and role in society. For others, it is mostly a workout to keep fit. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is universally acknowledged that
sports
play a significant role in humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
life
. Some people
consider it as a profession and an approach of
earning Change preposition
to
living
, Correct article usage
a living
hence
, they dedicate their time
and effort to be professional in their careers. However
, some people
disagree with this
approach, and from their view points
, Correct your spelling
viewpoints
sport
is the mean
of a healthy lifestyle. Fix the agreement mistake
means
This
essay will express the perspective of both sides and relieve my orientation towards it.
It is undeniable that there are numerous diverse careers in the world with different range
of income, and Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
sport
is famed as one of the occupations with a high salary. To put it differently, in the modern era, people
’s views to
Change preposition
of
Add an article
the sport
sport
have been transformed from a leisure activity into a Fix the agreement mistake
sports
high prestige
and expert career. Add a hyphen
high-prestige
For example
, people
who work out at a gym require a coach to practice along with
them. On the other hand
, in order to participate in the Olympic
, just being fit is definitely insufficient and requires professional Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
sportsman
who Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
be
Wrong verb form
are
master
of Fix the agreement mistake
masters
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
sports
field. Most expertise
athletes confine their Replace the word
expert
time
to the professional sport
to achieve a championship title and improve their nation’s credibility in
the international world stage.
Change preposition
on
On the contrary
, working out is a crucial activity in every body’s
Correct your spelling
everybody’s
life
, although
all citizens are not able to spend their whole life
in it. Due to
the light fact that humans possess various attitudes and passionate
, it is believed that Replace the word
passions
people
who like physical activities pursue their
careers associated with Correct pronoun usage
apply
sport
, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
however
, this
approach is not equal for all people
. For example
, an engineer dedicates a limited time
to exercising and the rest of their time
belongs to their favorite occupation. Besides
, it should be taken into account that expert sports
have a detriment
impact too. Most Replace the word
detrimental
of
athletes Change preposition
apply
have
injured during their practice period, and in some cases, it is beyond retrieval. Verb problem
are
For instance
, Sara Bakhtiari, a famous and talented artistic gymnastics player, should remain on
Change preposition
in
the
wheelchair for the rest of her Correct article usage
a
life
, due to
back
Correct article usage
a back
injured
.
In conclusion, the necessity of Replace the word
injury
sport
is universally accepted. Considering all the positive results of sports
on health, working on the
higher level of it has some dangerous drawbacks. There is no certain orientation towards these two views and none of them weighs another one and it completely depends on Correct article usage
a
people
’s desires and passionate
.Replace the word
passion
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coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is fairly good, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be smoother. Consider using more connecting phrases and transition words to make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, make sure your conclusion clearly summarizes the key points discussed and your overall viewpoint. This will make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is supported by relevant and specific examples. This could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear, but there are parts where the expression might be improved for better clarity. Ensure your arguments are comprehensively developed.
task achievement
Be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings as they can affect the readability and coherence of your essay. Try to proofread your work.
introduction
Your introduction sets up the topic very well, which makes it clear what the essay will be discussing.
conclusion
The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion and present a balanced view, which is good.
supporting examples
You have included specific examples in your essay, which helps to illustrate your points and make them more concrete.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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