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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The following two pie charts give the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts give the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
presented
Verb problem
apply
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two pie charts illustrate data about various popular leisure activities of European adults in 1985 and 1995.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 in 1985 nearly a third of
people
 were wasting their leisure time mostly by watching
TV
.
However
, in 1995 most
people
also
 had chosen to watch
TV
 or play computer games. Notably, an almost equal percentage of
people
 prefer to watch
TV
 in both years. In accordance with the pie chart in 1985
people
 mostly preferred to watch
TV
 rather than eat out and the percentage of
people
 who chose to watch
TV
 was 32%,
while
 eating out was 23%.
Moreover
, roughly
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
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 of
people
 wasted their leisure time by talking with friends and
to
Change preposition
apply
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talking with family.
Also
, 6% of
people
 did other activities.
Furthermore
, almost
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of adults in 1995 preferred to watch
TV
, and the second most popular activity was playing computer games.
Due to
 developing technologies, roughly a quarter chose to play computer games,
while
 talking with friends was almost equal.
Also
 talking with family and eating out was the same proportion. Whilst, 2% of adults chose other activities.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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