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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that developed countries have higher responsibilities to climate change than developing countries. others believe countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment . discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #countries #responsibilities #climate #change #environment
When it comes to protecting the state of nature that we live in, it is better to believe that each of us
have
Change the verb form
has
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 our own responsibilities wherever we are. The issue of
climate
 change is becoming more known towards society as the public could feel the effect growing stronger each day.
Climate
 change happens globally with no exception to any continent. Only the affected aspect is different
on
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in
show examples
 each area considering the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 situation on each continent. In the case of
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 situation of a country, we can divide it into two
such
 as developing
countries
 and developed
countries
. The fact that developing
countries
 are expected to be the cause
for
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of
show examples
climate
 change is, in fact, a reality
that is
 happening nowadays. There are bound to be more construction projects in the present,
as well as
 in the future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they are on a goal to be called
as
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apply
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developed
countries
.
For example
,
Indonesia
 is a developing country that become known globally for
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 population for manpower. Many developed
countries
 seek
for
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apply
show examples
partnership
Fix the agreement mistake
partnerships
show examples
 with
Indonesia
 for their manpower, and for development
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 related to
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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 and other aspects. Because of
this
, there are many construction projects in
Indonesia
that
is
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are
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 funded by collaboration with developed
countries
. If we are talking about who should take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
of
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for
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 tackling the
climate
 issue caused by
this
, it should be clear that both parties should be in charge of it. The project may happen in
Indonesia
 because they think it is
the
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apply
show examples
beneficial for them, but their partner
of
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in
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 developed
countries
 should
also
 take charge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it. So based on
this
 case, I think both developed
countries
 and developing
countries
 should be equally responsible for any
climate
 issue happening wherever we are.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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advice
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a thoughtful perspective on the issue of climate change responsibilities, though improvements can be made. 1. **Introduction and Conclusion**: Make sure to clearly define your stance in the introduction and summarize your key points in the conclusion. This will provide a more rounded response and better closure to your arguments. 2. **Logical Structure**: Work on organizing your ideas more cohesively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and transitions between paragraphs can be smoother to maintain the flow of your argument. 3. **Supporting Points**: While your example of Indonesia is relevant, it can be expanded upon and more examples could strengthen your argument. Provide more specific evidence or data to support your points clearly. 4. **Language and Grammar**: Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tenses, and grammar to enhance readability. This will make your ideas clearer.
positive
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument, which is essential for achieving a higher band score.
positive
Your essay includes a relevant example involving Indonesia, which helps to illustrate your point effectively. Including real-world examples can strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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