Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give more option.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #interest #option

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In today's

world

Add a comma

world,

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teenagers have a lot of ambitions. Most of their ambitions start during their time of studying in schools. In most cases, they find their love of doing something or anything studying and experiencing a new

subject

Use synonyms

or activity in schools. Now, some of them believe that focusing on the things that they are good at will benefit them in the future or a good investment in themselves.

On the other

Linking Words

hand

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, some believe that focusing on all

subjects

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will be better for them. Today I am going to compare both

senarios

Correct your spelling

scenarios

by comparing both of them. First of all,

lets

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let's

let us

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talk about teenagers that believe they should

focus

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on all

school

Use synonyms

subjects

Use synonyms

. Focusing

Change preposition

show examples

all

subjects

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will for sure increase

them

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

knowledge and experience.

For example

Linking Words

;

lets

Replace the word

let's

let us

show examples

say a

school

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that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

has a total of seven

subjects

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and a

student

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will

focus

Use synonyms

on all of them. For sure they will gain more knowledge, but they won’t be as professional if they

focus

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on one or two

subjects

Use synonyms

that they are good at.

In addition

Linking Words

, they won’t exactly know what careers they will be focusing

after

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on after

show examples

school

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

the other

hand

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, it is actually a benefit for them in today’s system to

focus

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on all

subjects

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during

school

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. Because, in today’s system if a teenage

student

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gets a high grade average

overall

Linking Words

they will be

adimitted

Correct your spelling

admitted

or accepted in most universities and colleges. Which, will open many

career

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options for them to study after

school

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. Second of all,

lets

Replace the word

let's

let us

show examples

talk about a teenage

student

Use synonyms

focusing on the

subject

Use synonyms

that they are good at. There are a lot of advantages of a teenager focusing on what they are good at.

For example

Linking Words

; they will know what

career

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paths to pick during their time in

school

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, they will love what they will be doing, and they will be more innovative and create more ideas of the

subject

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they are good at. Disadvantages

on the other

Linking Words

hand

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, as discussed earlier they won’t

be having

Wrong verb form

have

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a higher grade average as compared to a teenage

student

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focusing on all

subjects

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. To sum it up, there are many advantages and disadvantages for a teenage

student

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focusing on all

Use synonyms

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

or a teenage

student

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focusing on the

subjects

Use synonyms

they are good at

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. They will both have their own

career

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paths. As I stated earlier, the teenager focusing on all

subjects

Use synonyms

will have played by the system correctly compared to the teenager that focused on the

subject

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that he or she is good

Correct your spelling

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the other

hand

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, the

student

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focusing on the

subject

Use synonyms

that he or she is good at will have a better

career

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path for knowing which

career

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path to take

Change preposition

apply

show examples

during their studying time at

school

Use synonyms

Submitted by ismailalmarri0 on Wed Jul 24 2024

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task achievement

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments. However, you should work on providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can mention actual subjects and relate them to real-life careers or university programs.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure is mostly clear, but there are moments where the essay feels repetitive. Try to avoid stating the same point multiple times in different words. Streamlining your arguments will help make your essay more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For instance, 'compare both scenarios by comparing both of them' is redundant. Pay attention to sentence structures to make your essay more polished.

task achievement

Your essay does a good job of discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion that help to organize your ideas clearly.

task achievement

Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic at hand, which shows your ability to stay focused.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

457 words

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Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give more option.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what some extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that arts subject such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

What are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports center that you visit. Write a letter to the sports center manager. In your letter: -Explain the problem. -Say how you feel about this problem. -Say what steps you would like the manager to take.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.