IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more women go out to work. It is the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staffs and facilities to care for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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In present days, an increasing number of
women
Use synonyms
enters
Correct subject-verb agreement
enter
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 the workforce. There has been an argument regarding whether the
government
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 should be responsible
to support
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for supporting
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 working
women
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 financially
as well as
Linking Words
 enabling accessibility to
Use synonyms
childcare's
Change noun form
childcare
show examples
 resources. I partially agree with the aforementioned that the
government
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 should play a key role in providing
aids
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aid
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 for female employees, as I think that
beside
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besides
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 that, business organisations should share the responsibility
in
Change preposition
of
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 supporting
women
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 in the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
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. The reasons I advocate the statement that policymakers should help
women
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 workers are because it would ensure gender equality and
Correct article usage
a blooming
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blooming
Correct your spelling
booming
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 economy. First and foremost,
women
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 have been associated with domestic duties, including nurturing children as opposed to men with developing career aspects. By subsidising
women
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 in terms of
childcare
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, they are allowed to concentrate on building strong
career
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careers
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 and narrowing the disparity with men.
As a result
Linking Words
, more
women
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 will advance professionally, ensuring a sense of gender equality in society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, supporting
women
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 in the workforce via providing free access to
childcare
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 institutes and
personnels
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personnel
 will
encourgage
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encourage
 more
women
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 to join the workplace,
guaranteering
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guaranteeing
 financial
indepence
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independence
 and fostering healthy self-esteem among those female individuals.
Consenquently
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Consequently
, they will contribute significantly to the growth of the economy.
On the other hand
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, I believe that it should be entirely the responsibility of the
government
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 to take care of the matter. In fact, organisations should join
force
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forces
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 by establishing new policies in
favor
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favour
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 of female workers.
For example
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, a
childcare
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 fund should be made available to support those who
Change the verb form
need
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needs
Correct pronoun usage
needs it
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, or
women
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 should be allowed to take longer days off
post pregnancy
Add a hyphen
post-pregnancy
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 to care for their babies. With
this
Linking Words
 in place, the workplaces will aid in the
emerge
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emergence
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 of an equal society and ensure economic prosperity. In conclusion, I partially agree with the argument that the
government
Use synonyms
 should take part in supporting working
women
Use synonyms
 in
childcare
Use synonyms
, but I
also
Linking Words
 believe that companies should
also
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 play a role. Indeed, the joined effort from both the authorities and organisations will have
profound
Add an article
a profound
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 effect and nurture fairness between genders.

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relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Providing concrete scenarios or data will add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear and distinct focus. Occasionally, the points made could be clearer and more directly related to the main topic of the paragraph.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Polishing sentence structures will enhance readability and precision.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
logical structure
You provide a balanced perspective by acknowledging both the role of government and businesses, which strengthens your argument.
supported main points
Main points are supported and expanded upon adequately, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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