More and more women go out to work. It is the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staffs and facilities to care for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?
In present days, an increasing number of
women
enters
the workforce. There has been an argument regarding whether the Correct subject-verb agreement
enter
government
should be responsible to support
working Change preposition
for supporting
women
financially as well as
enabling accessibility to childcare's
resources. I partially agree with the aforementioned that the Change noun form
childcare
government
should play a key role in providing aids
for female employees, as I think that Fix the agreement mistake
aid
beside
that, business organisations should share the responsibility Replace the word
besides
in
supporting Change preposition
of
women
in the workplaces
.
The reasons I advocate the statement that policymakers should help Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
women
workers are because it would ensure gender equality and Correct article usage
a blooming
blooming
economy. First and foremost, Correct your spelling
booming
women
have been associated with domestic duties, including nurturing children as opposed to men with developing career aspects. By subsidising women
in terms of childcare
, they are allowed to concentrate on building strong career
and narrowing the disparity with men. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
As a result
, more women
will advance professionally, ensuring a sense of gender equality in society. Moreover
, supporting women
in the workforce via providing free access to childcare
institutes and personnels
will Correct your spelling
personnel
encourgage
more Correct your spelling
encourage
women
to join the workplace, guaranteering
financial Correct your spelling
guaranteeing
indepence
and fostering healthy self-esteem among those female individuals. Correct your spelling
independence
Consenquently
, they will contribute significantly to the growth of the economy.
Correct your spelling
Consequently
On the other hand
, I believe that it should be entirely the responsibility of the government
to take care of the matter. In fact, organisations should join force
by establishing new policies in Fix the agreement mistake
forces
favor
of female workers. Change the spelling
favour
For example
, a childcare
fund should be made available to support those who Change the verb form
need
needs
, or Correct pronoun usage
needs it
women
should be allowed to take longer days off post pregnancy
to care for their babies. With Add a hyphen
post-pregnancy
this
in place, the workplaces will aid in the emerge
of an equal society and ensure economic prosperity.
In conclusion, I partially agree with the argument that the Replace the word
emergence
government
should take part in supporting working women
in childcare
, but I also
believe that companies should also
play a role. Indeed, the joined effort from both the authorities and organisations will have profound
effect and nurture fairness between genders.Add an article
a profound
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relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Providing concrete scenarios or data will add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear and distinct focus. Occasionally, the points made could be clearer and more directly related to the main topic of the paragraph.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Polishing sentence structures will enhance readability and precision.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
logical structure
You provide a balanced perspective by acknowledging both the role of government and businesses, which strengthens your argument.
supported main points
Main points are supported and expanded upon adequately, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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