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Band 5.5

Every year, many people move to large cities to live and work. This is one of the biggest problems in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#year #people #move #cities #work #world
Urban migration is a pressing global phenomenon, with a growing number of individuals relocating to large cities in pursuit of better economic opportunities and improved living conditions.
Although
 urban
areas
 provide access to numerous benefits,
this
 trend exacerbates significant challenges that affect both urban and rural populations. One major issue is that the continuous influx of people into urban
areas
 exacerbates the disparities between cities and the countryside. These disparities are multi-dimensional, encompassing technology, transportation, and educational opportunities. As populations concentrate in metropolitan
areas
, these critical sectors become imbalanced, widening the developmental gap.
Consequently
, rural residents often face inadequate access to essential services and resources,
further
 entrenching socio-economic inequalities.
Moreover
, the overcrowding of urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 leads to severe environmental challenges, particularly
pollution
. Urban
pollution
, including air, water, and noise
pollution
, poses serious threats to human health, adversely affecting both physical and mental well-being.
For instance
, air
pollution
 can aggravate respiratory diseases and contribute to global warming,
while
 noise
pollution
 can disrupt cognitive functions and increase stress levels. These environmental hazards diminish the quality of life, creating a vicious cycle that
further
 degrades urban living conditions. In conclusion,
while
 urban migration offers significant advantages, it
also
 deepens the divide between urban and rural
areas
 and intensifies environmental
pollution
. To mitigate these issues, it is imperative for policymakers to adopt balanced regional development strategies and promote sustainable urban planning.
Such
 measures are essential to ensuring equitable resource distribution and enhancing the
overall
 well-being of all citizens.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a well-rounded discussion of the problems associated with urban migration. However, incorporating more specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning particular cities or relevant statistics could make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more transition words or phrases to further improve the overall flow of your essay. This will create a more seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps readers understand the scope and direction of your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a thorough response to the prompt, addressing key issues such as socio-economic disparities and environmental pollution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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