IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

#people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
While
 it is widely claimed that few
people
 devote
time
 less on
hobbies
 nowadays, others argue that there are numerous
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 that
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
 effects both individually and socially. Both
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
show examples
 and effect of
this
 worrying trend will be elaborated on
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 essay.
To begin
 with, it may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 sensible for some to believe that leisure activities
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 overlooked
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 these days as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
intense competition among the employment industries.
This
 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
 because they generally viewed it as an activity for personal entertainment and not
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 productive
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
self-improvements
Fix the agreement mistake
self-improvement
show examples
.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
 labour
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working rather than spending
time
 on
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 just to relax which
left
Wrong verb form
leaves
show examples
 them with
fews
Correct your spelling
few
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 per day to do
such
 creative activities on a daily basis, preferably they will choose to sleep than
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 anything else.
However
, I personally argue in favour of its effects seeing that it indeed
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
people
either
Change preposition
in either
show examples
 personal or social aspects. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of personal perspective,
hobbies
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a creative
ways
Change the noun form
way
show examples
 of relieving stress from work, without getting it
release
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 through
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 activities can create mental illness in later
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
such
 as depression and stress-related
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
. In a bigger picture, the effect on
society
 could not seen clearly like individual
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
, yet fewer hours
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
leisures
Change the noun form
leisure
show examples
 activity can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 tremendously.
Hobbies
 provide a practice for
people
 to use their imagination and skills, without them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 will be lifeless.
For instance
,
people
 will always
serious
Add a missing verb
be serious
show examples
 and formal manner. In a nutshell,
although
 it is undeniable that
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 likely to be used for
hobbies
 recently, I am of the opinion that it does
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 small to large scale and should not be neglected in order to create a meaningful
society
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
Improve grammar and syntax to avoid common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and plural forms.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs more fully with supporting examples, and connect ideas using connecting words or phrases to enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response, addressing both causes and effects in a structured manner.
task achievement
The essay maintains a suitable writing tone and formal register appropriate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph contains a single idea, contributing to overall coherence.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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