Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, ther people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some people perceive graduating from college become the best way to get a
job
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while
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others people argue that getting experience and growing
skills
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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more prominent to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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a good
job
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. I believe both academic and experience
is
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are
show examples
crucial factors to secure a good
job
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. On the one hand, completing
university
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education
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory
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requirement for certain
position
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positions
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and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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applicants easier to get a
job
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. Some
proffesion
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professionals
that
considered
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are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good
job
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by some
citizen
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citizens
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such
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as civil
servant
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servants
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, police or
doctor
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doctors
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need to have specific knowledge and
degree
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degrees
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to achieve it.
Hence
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, they have to graduate from the
university
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.
Additionally
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, many entry-level roles in multi-national companies
hiring
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hire
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their talents by
university
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recruitment.
Therefore
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, graduating from
university
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is important to secure that
job
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.
On the other hand
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, those who want to pursue entrepreneurial
journey
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journeys
show examples
and managerial positions have to hone their experiences and soft
skills
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. There are countless
example
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examples
show examples
person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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success
Replace the word
successfully
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building
Wrong verb form
built
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their venture and companies without completing their degree.
For instance
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, Mark
Zuckenberg
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Zuckerberg
founder of Facebook
that
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apply
show examples
success
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successfully
show examples
building
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
Facebook without graduating from
university
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.
Furthermore
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, when companies
looking
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look
show examples
for someone in
managerial
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a managerial
show examples
position, they
are prefer
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prefer
show examples
to choose those who have proven
in
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apply
show examples
their expertise and interpersonal
skills
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without taking
consideration
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into consideration
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for
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whether
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their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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completing
Wrong verb form
have completed
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university
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or not.
To conclude
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, completing
university
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is a good choice for certain
profession
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professions
show examples
and
as
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is
show examples
first
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the first
show examples
step to
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
career
Add an article
a career
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. Meanwhile, those who aspire
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
an entrepreneur and want to go to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
level of their career have to hone experiences and
skills
Use synonyms
.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument regarding university education versus experience and soft skills. However, to improve your task response, try to elaborate further on your main points and provide more detailed supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are presented in a logical order with clear paragraphs, but there are some areas where the flow can be improved. Try to use more cohesive devices to better connect your points and make the essay smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide an overview of the essay topic. However, the conclusion can be made stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helps in maintaining a coherent flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
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