Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, ther people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills

Some people perceive graduating from college become the best way to get a

job

while

others people argue that getting experience and growing

skills

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

more prominent to

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

a good

job

. I believe both academic and experience

Change the verb form

are

show examples

crucial factors to secure a good

job

. On the one hand, completing

university

education

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

mandatory

Add an article

a mandatory

show examples

requirement for certain

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

applicants easier to get a

job

. Some

proffesion

Correct your spelling

professionals

that

considered

Add a missing verb

are considered

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a good

job

by some

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

such

as civil

servant

Fix the agreement mistake

servants

show examples

, police or

doctor

Fix the agreement mistake

doctors

show examples

need to have specific knowledge and

degree

Fix the agreement mistake

degrees

show examples

to achieve it.

Hence

, they have to graduate from the

university

Additionally

, many entry-level roles in multi-national companies

hiring

Wrong verb form

hire

show examples

their talents by

university

recruitment.

Therefore

, graduating from

university

is important to secure that

job

On the other hand

, those who want to pursue entrepreneurial

journey

Fix the agreement mistake

journeys

show examples

and managerial positions have to hone their experiences and soft

skills

. There are countless

example

Fix the agreement mistake

examples

show examples

person

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

success

Replace the word

successfully

show examples

building

Wrong verb form

built

show examples

their venture and companies without completing their degree.

For instance

, Mark

Zuckenberg

Correct your spelling

Zuckerberg

founder of Facebook

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

success

Replace the word

successfully

show examples

building

Wrong verb form

built

show examples

Facebook without graduating from

university

Furthermore

, when companies

looking

Wrong verb form

look

show examples

for someone in

managerial

Add an article

a managerial

show examples

position, they

are prefer

Change the verb form

prefer

show examples

to choose those who have proven

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their expertise and interpersonal

skills

without taking

consideration

Change preposition

into consideration

show examples

for

Change preposition

whether

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

completing

Wrong verb form

have completed

show examples

university

or not.

To conclude

, completing

university

is a good choice for certain

profession

Fix the agreement mistake

professions

show examples

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

first

Change the article

the first

show examples

step to

start

Wrong verb form

starting

show examples

career

Add an article

a career

show examples

. Meanwhile, those who aspire

become

Fix the infinitive

to become

show examples

an entrepreneur and want to go to

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

level of their career have to hone experiences and

skills

Submitted by writingbersama on Thu Jul 25 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument regarding university education versus experience and soft skills. However, to improve your task response, try to elaborate further on your main points and provide more detailed supporting examples.

coherence cohesion

Your ideas are presented in a logical order with clear paragraphs, but there are some areas where the flow can be improved. Try to use more cohesive devices to better connect your points and make the essay smoother.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide an overview of the essay topic. However, the conclusion can be made stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively.

task achievement

Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helps in maintaining a coherent flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

theoretical knowledge
specialized training
networking
baseline requirement
financial burden
hands-on experience
practical skills
soft skills
dynamic job market
entrepreneur
formal education
portfolio
hybrid approach

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Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, ther people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Prompt: Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? what other measures do you think might be effective?

The impact that growing demand for more flights has had on the environment is a major concern for many countries. Some people believe that one way to limit the number of people traveling by air is to increase taxes on flights. To what extent do you think this could solve the problem?

You stayed at your friends’ house when you participated in a business seminar in New Zealand. You left a file with important documents in your room. Write a letter to your friend, describing the file and ask him/her to return it to you by post.

Many people believe that social network sites such as face book have had a huge negative on both individuals and society. To what extend do agree or disagree?

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”