The chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

The chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
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The bar chart provides information about the ratio of the Canadian workforce in five major companies in 1850 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen that in 1850, a huge number of people were working in
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing

The noun phrase manufacturing sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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sector ,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in 2002,
services
Correct article usage
the services

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

had
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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employees
Correct quantifier usage
number of employees

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with , in 1850 ,36% of individuals were working in
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing

The noun phrase manufacturing sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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sector. It was the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with
highest
Change the article
the highest

It appears that the phrase highest proportion does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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proportion in 1850. The
worker's
Change noun form
worker

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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ratio in services and agriculture/fishing companies was 33% and 22% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a few number of people were working in construction and energy/water
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

accounting for 5% and 3% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in 2020,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of individuals worked in services amounting to 81% .
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the percentage of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers

It seems that worker may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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working in manufacturing
agency
Fix the agreement mistake
agencies

It seems that agency may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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was 9% . About 8% ,
employees
Change preposition
of employees

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
were working in construction
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies

It seems that company may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in 2020.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, 1%
people
Change preposition
of people

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
were working in agriculture and energy/water zones.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words company with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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