IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you bought for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company to which supplied the equipment. In your letter -describe the problem with the equipment -explain how this problem is affecting your work -say what to want the shop or the company to do

#work #home #piece #equipment #job #shop #company #-describe #-explain #-say
Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to
show
Verb problem
express
show examples
 my disappointment regarding the latest purchase of a laptop from your store. To commence with, I have bought a laptop on July 05, 2024. The order number is Qwera. Actually, the issue is with
audiovisual
Add an article
the audiovisual
an audiovisual
show examples
 feature. I am not able to listen to the person who is
on
Change preposition
in
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meeting
Add an article
the meeting
a meeting
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.
Moreover
, it shows
blurry
Add an article
a blurry
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 picture of the video. Unfortunately, I am really unhappy.
Apart from
this
, I am a customer service representative and I highly
required
Wrong verb form
require
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 audio and video for my job position.
From
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For
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 a couple of days, I have not
attend
Change the verb form
attended
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 a full meeting.
Hence
, I may lose my salary. Meanwhile, if you could replace my equipment it would be really appreciated. If possible please send me your address
I
Correct word choice
so I
show examples
can visit to receive your prompt services. Hopefully, you will pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 my request.Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Waris Saroye
Submitted by sunnytalwan065 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve coherence. For example, you can discuss the purchase and the problems with the laptop in one paragraph, and your work-related issues in another.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical structure by providing a clear and concise flow of information. For example, mention the date of purchase, describe the issues, explain the impact on your work, and then make your request.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is appropriate for this context.
task achievement
You have clearly described the problem with the equipment and explained how it affects your work, meeting the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately used, adding a nice touch to the formal tone of the letter.
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