These days every human can freely use computers and network in their own purposes. Kids are not an exception , they also have an access to social network and social media respectively.
These days every human can freely use computers and
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
in
their own purposes. Kids are not an exception , they Change preposition
for
also
have an
access to social Remove the article
apply
network
and social media respectively. Fix the agreement mistake
networks
This
situation actually can cause some serious problems bound
Verb problem
related
with
kids and need to be solved on Change preposition
to
time
. In this
essay
we will determine issues and look for solutions to solve them correctly.
One of the main Add a comma
essay,
problem
which is caused by computers and children is Change to a plural noun
problems
an
addiction. There are a lot of teenagers who can not even expect their lives without using gadgets. What’s more, use of them can directly influence Correct article usage
apply
on
their mental and emotional health. They can feel anxious and uncomfortable without access to the network, unsocialized, and frustrated about everything except for their computer. Change preposition
apply
For example
, mental illnesses like depression and psychosis can develop more rapidly in conditions where there is little interaction with society. As we already mentioned, while
spending time
on computers, students pay less attention to their friends and family.
In my opinion, the best solution to this
issue is to control the time
spent using gadgets. Making a schedule can help normalize your daily routine and fill the gaps in your free time
which is usually spent on videogames. Moreover
, creating a timetable can assist you to find
new hobbies and interests, which you have not ever expected as your part of life. Change preposition
in finding
For instance
, I used to spent
hours, playing some games on my laptop, but once when I was exhausted Wrong verb form
spend
of
doing nothing I decided to find a hobby. Now I have five more hobbies and feel myself more much better.
In Change preposition
from
conclusion
I would like to say that creating Add a comma
conclusion,
time
limits for yourself and for your kids is very important, because internet
can store an infinite amount of information that can and can not be useful for children, so you better control what you and your minors watch.Add an article
the internet
Submitted by moon2014angel on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively states the problem and what the essay will explore. However, it could be more refined. For example: 'These days, everyone, including kids, has access to computers and the internet, leading to some serious issues that need timely solutions.'
logical structure
Try to break down your body paragraphs more clearly. Ensure you have one main idea per paragraph and clear transitions. For example, you could start the paragraph talking about addiction with: 'Firstly, addiction is a significant issue caused by children's use of computers.'
clear comprehensive ideas
Use a more varied vocabulary and avoid repetitiveness. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'use of gadgets', try 'interaction with technology', 'screen time', or 'digital device usage'.
complete response
The essay directly addresses the problem of children's access to computers and network, making it clear what issues it will discuss.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides a personal example, which adds credibility to your suggestions and makes your argument more relatable.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?