In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
Many people from various countries prefer to move away from family and
friends
in order to find work elsewhere
for a more suitable living. While
this
provdes
a lot of benefits to the people, it Correct your spelling
provides
also
comes with various drawbacks.
One of the most important benefit
is if people travel to another country for work purposes, they gain knowledge and learn to adapt to the various lifestyles and cultures. Change to a plural noun
benefits
Secondly
, many foreign workers who travel abroad to work, learn the local language to communicate with the native workers better, preventing miscommunication. Thirdly
, they are forced out of their comfort zone to learn new skills, make new friends
and build a career for themselves.
However
, with all these benefits come various consequences which could sometimes affect the mental well being
of a Add a hyphen
well-being
person
. A major drawback of a person
moving away from friends
and family is the loneliness they'll feel during the intial
stages Correct your spelling
initial
while
they get themselves settled to
the new country. Change preposition
in
This
could also
lead to affecting a person
's health and emotional stabliltas
they are forced to start a new life away from their loved ones. Another major drawback is being alone in a new place with zero knowledge of the local language, it becomes difficult for them to interact with locals or workers.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
stability as
although
working in different cities or abroad away from family and friends
does reap its pros, there are many cons that also
follow along with
it causing the person
to start life over in a new place all over again.Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and answers the question, but it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Try to include real-life scenarios or personal experiences to make your points more relatable and concrete.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better developed, especially the discussion of drawbacks. Try to expand on these points with more details and examples.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer and more concise. Avoid long and complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Focus on clarity and simplicity in presenting your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to check for grammatical errors and typos. Simple mistakes can detract from the overall quality of your essay. For example, phrases like 'intial stages' should be 'initial stages', and 'emotional stabliltas' should be 'emotional stability'.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. This shows a good understanding of the issue and provides a comprehensive response to the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
You have used logical connectors to link your ideas and paragraphs, which enhances the flow of your essay. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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