IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti- social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it? Or what are the reasons for this and how to fix the situation?

#people #anti- #behaviour #lack #respect #situation
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Undoubtedly, some
people
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 are getting more
worsed
Correct your spelling
worse
worked
worsened
due to
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 changes in their behaviours
along with
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not giving respect to
others
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 in today's world. In
this
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 essay, I will analyze the reasons
along with
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 suitable solutions to overcome
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 statement in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
the
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apply
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advanced technology is the main cause for the anti-social nature of individuals, and they do not give importance to
others
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 because
people
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 spend
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of their time
to
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apply
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playing violent video games and watching violent movies. Owing to
this
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,
the
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apply
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changes
happening
Wrong verb form
happen
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 in a person's
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behavior
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behaviour
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 because they get
influence
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influenced
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from
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by
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 social media.
Moreover
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, not only the awful
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is the major
issues
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issue
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, but lack of communication amongst individuals causes less respect for
others
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 because
people
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 do not spend their precious time with their families.
Therefore
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, these reasons are making the problem of terrible
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 more serious by passing
a
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apply
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each day. Multifarious solutions can overcome the obstacles of worse
behave
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behaviour
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 and less respect for
others
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. First of all, the authority should organise awareness camps for adolescents where they will able to learn
value
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the value
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 of
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and communicate with elderly
people
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.
Due to
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this
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, society can become more wonderful to live a fruitful life.
Secondly
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, an immense amount of guidance can be provided by social media about the importance of social interactions.
For example
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,
the
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apply
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movie directors should make more family movies with
an extraordinary stories
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extraordinary stories
an extraordinary story
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 of living life without violence.
To conclude
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,
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due
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apply
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to lack of chats and
with
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apply
show examples
the advancement in technology are the major reasons for
people
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's worse nature.
Also
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, the
combining
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combined
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 efforts of the government and
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 can be lucrative to solve
this
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 issue by providing awareness to society about the importance of families and living with an incredible nature for achieving a profitable future.
Submitted by kulvir1910 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but the ideas could be more thoroughly developed. Spend some more time fully explaining your main points and providing concrete examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs are slightly disjointed, and the flow between ideas could be smoother. Consider using transitional phrases to improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your writing. Some sentences are a bit confusing and could benefit from rephrasing. Make sure your ideas are clearly and directly stated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which helps it stay focused and on-topic.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide solutions to the issues discussed, which is good. It shows you are thinking about the problem and how it can be addressed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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