IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than small shops or local markets. Is this positive or negative development? Discuss and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 would like to provide their daily needs from
supermarkets
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instead
Linking Words
 of small stores. I heartfully believe that
this
Linking Words
 change is a positive
one
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, and the reasons will be discussed below. To commence with, in today’s hectic world,
time
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 is very crucial, and
one
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 of the ways that
people
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 could save their
time
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 is through doing chores in the shortest
time
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. Shopping from
supermarkets
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 is
one
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 of the ways
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could save
time
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, providing objects
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 place
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
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 to manage their
time
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, and perform their duties
instead
Linking Words
 of searching for shopping list
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, based on a survey
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Costco shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, planning to shop from
this
Linking Words
 store, helps individuals to stay more focused at their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, which is
due to
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 of their needs that Costco provides.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping from
supermarkets
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 helps
people
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 to have a better
chance
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 to choose and contrast products from different brands, owing to competition among companies. In
this
Linking Words
 way, it is more possible that they acquire something with better quality and
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 price than small stores.
For instance
Linking Words
, every weekend, in
Macys
Change to a genitive case
Macy's
show examples
, there is a big sale
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 offers go over than %50.
This
Linking Words
 situation, provides an astonishing
chance
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 consumers, to provide their demands in the best way. In a nutshell, buying from
supermarkets
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 provides a great
chance
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 to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today’s hasty world.
Also
Linking Words
, it gives a
chance
Use synonyms
 to consumers to gain their wants in a bargain.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the advantages or disadvantages of shopping from supermarkets versus small shops to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another. Although cohesion is generally good, there are minor points where ideas could be connected better.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but try to use a variety of examples or scenarios to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective and clearly present the topic and your opinion.
task achievement
You presented clear, comprehensive ideas and supported them with specific examples, making your points convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your overall structure is logical, with coherent paragraphs that each discuss a single main point.
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