Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in; while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Training of
children
has risen
many debates. Some of them are related to the subjects that must be learned. A group believe that kids must have options to choose their Verb problem
raised
favorite
topics; Change the spelling
favourite
however
, others think that the offered matters must be compulsory. I heartfully believe that imperative education is the cornerstone of future
successful life, and the reasons will be discussed below.
To commence with, based on one of the mentioned notions, youngsters must be free to choose the Add an article
a future
studying
subjects that they are interested in. In Correct word choice
apply
this
state, they will be able to select an item,
and shape their studies in concert with that topic. Remove the comma
apply
This
method will provide a positive space for children
to navigate their interests, and challenge themselves in pursuing their wishes. For instance
, there are some institutions in Canada that provide a supportive condition for kids to examine their skills in different areas like music, theatre, painting
, and support them to follow their talent.
Correct word choice
and painting
On the other hand
, others believe that the education topics must be specific and mandatory. I think that in this
way, children
, by acquiring essential knowledge, like mathematics, science, and biology, will be ready for the
future adult tasks. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, for being
able to manage a simple business, youngsters must learn and do 4 major mathematics tasks, and read the texts correctly.
In a nutshell, Change preposition
to be
kids
training has Change noun form
kids'
kid's
risen
many debates. Some believe that Verb problem
raised
children
must be free to choose their interested
topics; Replace the word
interests
However
, others think that basic training knowledge is required to get them ready for the
future life expectancies.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by aksoysana on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion well. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more detailed examples to better support the main points. For instance, elaborating on the Canadian institutions example could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, there are some areas where the logical flow can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that the ideas within them are more closely connected. Transition words can help in this regard.
task achievement
More elaboration on how compulsory subjects prepare children for future challenges would strengthen the essay. Providing specific examples or statistics can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop balanced paragraphs. Each body paragraph should ideally be of similar length and detail to ensure that your discussion appears even-handed.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, which is very effective in setting up your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have included a conclusion that summarizes both perspectives and restates your opinion, which makes your essay feel complete.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite