Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in; while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Training of
children
has
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
many debates. Some of them are related to the subjects that must be learned. A group believe that kids must have options to choose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
topics;
however
, others think that the offered matters must be compulsory. I heartfully believe that imperative education is the cornerstone of
future
Add an article
a future
show examples
successful life, and the reasons will be discussed below. To commence with, based on one of the mentioned notions, youngsters must be free to choose the
studying
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
subjects that they are interested in. In
this
state, they will be able to select an item
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and shape their studies in concert with that topic.
This
method will provide a positive space for
children
to navigate their interests, and challenge themselves in pursuing their wishes.
For instance
, there are some institutions in Canada that provide a supportive condition for kids to examine their skills in different areas like music, theatre,
painting
Correct word choice
and painting
show examples
, and support them to follow their talent.
On the other hand
, others believe that the education topics must be specific and mandatory. I think that in
this
way,
children
, by acquiring essential knowledge, like mathematics, science, and biology, will be ready for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future adult tasks.
For example
,
for being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
able to manage a simple business, youngsters must learn and do 4 major mathematics tasks, and read the texts correctly. In a nutshell,
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
training has
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
many debates. Some believe that
children
must be free to choose their
interested
Replace the word
interests
show examples
topics;
However
, others think that basic training knowledge is required to get them ready for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future life expectancies.
Submitted by aksoysana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion well. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more detailed examples to better support the main points. For instance, elaborating on the Canadian institutions example could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, there are some areas where the logical flow can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that the ideas within them are more closely connected. Transition words can help in this regard.
task achievement
More elaboration on how compulsory subjects prepare children for future challenges would strengthen the essay. Providing specific examples or statistics can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop balanced paragraphs. Each body paragraph should ideally be of similar length and detail to ensure that your discussion appears even-handed.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, which is very effective in setting up your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have included a conclusion that summarizes both perspectives and restates your opinion, which makes your essay feel complete.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation and engagement
  • creativity and individual strengths
  • innovative thinking
  • neglecting essential disciplines
  • fundamental for basic education
  • well-rounded education
  • necessary tools to succeed
  • structured curriculum
  • educational standards and equality
  • foundational knowledge
  • explore their interests
  • essential knowledge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: