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Band 5.5

Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #change #jobs #life #job #companies #society
People
 have different views about choices of careers, that
individuals
 should change
jobs
 during their working life often
while
 others believe that doing the same
job
 has advantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
individuals
, companies, and
society
. In today's competitive
job
 market, I agree with those who believe that others doing the same
job
 has benefits to
people
 and
society
.
On the other hand
, doing the same
job
 provides advantages for
individuals
.On an individual level,
people
 who
work
 at the same
job
 have expertise
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their field. Having
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
 knowledge of a specific field helps create
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products and
work
 effectively, which helps them easily advance their career. From a company perspective, a company which has employees working sustainably at a position will drive their businesses successfully. Stable
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 bring high profit for enterprises. From
society
's opinion,
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 will result in a sustainable and thriving country.
People
 with stable
jobs
 and stable business development will help improve the quality of life and develop the country.
Besides
, I would argue that there are many benefits of changing
jobs
.
Firstly
, they will experience a lot of different
jobs
. They will be tried on diverse
job
 roles and explore their ability.
Secondly
,
individuals
also
 find a higher salary
job
 than now. When they start working in a company for a year, they gradually improve their personal skills and gain more
work
 experience,
therefore
 they change to another
job
 suitable for their level.
Finally
, they have an opportunity for promotion,to satisfy their curiosity and accumulate varied experience when they
work
 in different careers. In conclusion, it seems to me that it would be better, on balance, to often change
jobs
 during their working life or to do the same
job
 should be beneficial for both the individual and
society
 as a whole.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is developed with relevant and specific examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, setting the stage and summarizing the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical with identifiable main points in each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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