IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #phones #places #libraries #shop #transport #mobiles
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Whilst, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that mobile gadgets should not be allowed to use in public
places
Use synonyms
such
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 as libraries, stores and on public transport, others and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 say that individuals should be free to
exploitate
Correct your spelling
exploit
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 everywhere.
This
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 essay will look at both notions. On the one hand, at
present
Add an article
the present
a present
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of self-usage technologies are able to make a
noice
Correct your spelling
noise
while
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 working,
incloding
Correct your spelling
including
 mobiles, so they can irritate the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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in public
places
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 creates a
lows
Correct your spelling
law
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 that restricts humans
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 in crowded areas.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 individuals are forced to turn on a
silence
Replace the word
silent
show examples
 mod
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their gadgets during the travel with others in public.
Moreover
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, in
places
Use synonyms
 where quietness is significant, because
people
Use synonyms
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to be concentrated there, any
distructions
Correct your spelling
distractions
destructions
, especially
phones
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, should be banned.
However
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, at present, there are many ways to just keep
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 quiet
while
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 using it,
that is
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 why banning is not a solution to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from loud sounds in public
places
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.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, humans are social creatures, so they are inclined to be in contact with their acquaintances anytime, despite the distance.
Therefore
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,
phones
Use synonyms
 are important to them as it is almost the only way to do
this
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, even without sound. To illustrate,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation, now are using some platforms with chatting
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
such
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 as
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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 and
telegram
Capitalize word
Telegram
show examples
. In conclusion,
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that technologies should be banned in some public
places
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can distract others,
nevertheless
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 thankfully to the methods of silence
exploitation
Correct word choice
and exploitation
show examples
 of
phones
Use synonyms
 and applications for chatting, individuals can be free to use their mobiles everywhere they want.
Submitted by hhaha9102 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the topic. Avoid unnecessary complexity and jargon.
complete response
Double-check your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. These can make your ideas harder to understand and reduce the overall quality of your writing.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to substantiate your points. This helps in making your arguments more convincing and grounded.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure.
complete response
The essay touches on both views of the topic, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both sides.
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