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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
In present days, there has been an increasing trend in choosing to work for oneself observed in the society.
This
 essay will shed light on the possible causes of the aforementioned and present some possible repercussions. The causes of
this
phenomenal
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phenomenon
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 are multifaceted.
On
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From
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 a personal view, self-employment could provide greater flexibility as compared to working for an organization.
In other words
,
instead
 of doing an eight-to-five job, those who freelance can work following their own schedules, which will enable a sense of freedom and allow them to focus on doing things that they enjoy,
such
 as picking up a new hobby or doing physical exercises.
As a result
, more people are
inclining
Wrong verb form
inclined
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 toward the career shift. From a societal perspective,
due to
 the recent booming of the economy, many households have been earning greater income, cultivating strong financial foundations. Indeed, the younger generation need not
to
Remove the word
apply
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worry about making ends meet;
instead
, they have the monetary support to concentrate on their ambitions, including starting a business or doing freelance work.
However
, there are some possible demerits of working for oneself. First and foremost, the flexibility of being self-employed may come with unstable income. In fact, freelance
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 may not always be in demand, and competition may be tough when it comes to rivalry against the professional businesses in the fields.
As a result
, people who are self-employed may experience
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 with low or zero incomes, which may affect their lives negatively.
As well as
this
, working for oneself may cause stress or depression. As there are no office hours, the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 may consume more than just eight hours a day, and those freelancers or start-up owners could not even have time for themselves or their loved ones, which can have detrimental effects on their mental health. In conclusion,
due to
 the flexible schedules and a more stable financial background, more professionals are changing their
career
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careers
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 toward being self-employed.
However
,
this
 type of employment
also
 engenders several negative effects, including financial insecurity and mental issues.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by mentioning both the reasons why people choose self-employment and the disadvantages associated with it. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, mentioning particular industries or personal stories could add depth.
coherence and cohesion
While the logical structure of the essay is generally clear, there are occasional awkward phrases and minor grammatical errors that slightly detract from the overall coherence. For example, 'phenomenal' should be 'phenomenon' and 'period with low or zero incomes' should be 'periods with low or no income.' Refining sentence structures will improve clarity.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by clearly stating what the essay will cover. It provides a solid foundation for the subsequent arguments.
conclusion
The essay concludes with a balanced summary that encapsulates the main points discussed. This helps reinforce the writer's arguments and leaves a lasting impression.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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