IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

MANY CITIES CONTAIN OLD PUBLIC BUILDINGS,SUCH AS TOWN HALLS ANFF ART GALLERIES,WHICH ARE EXPENSIVE TO REPAIR.SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT GOVERNMENTS SHOULD REPLACE THESE BUILDINGS WITH NEWS ONES.OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP THE OLD BUIldings discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, some individuals discuss public places.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some argue that old public buildings be rehabilitated, others oppose it and support the construction of new modern ones.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will discuss both thoughts and provide an opinion. On the one hand, some argue that governments should replace
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 structures with new ones
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the high costs associated with the maintenance of old buildings and the inconsistency associated with
availability
Add an article
the availability

The noun phrase availability seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of financial resources.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the National Institution in Lagos, which houses invaluable
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts

The spelling of artifacts is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 of Nigeria's cultural heritage, has faced numerous challenges in its upkeep. Issues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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that range from repairs of wear and tear, correction of some structural defects and quarterly facelifts. Advocates for replacement argue that investing in modern facilities would alleviate financial burdens and provide spaces better equipped to serve contemporary needs,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as improved safety standards and accessibility.
Conversely
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, preserving old edifices for their historical and cultural significance is crucial. The National Gallery, despite its maintenance issues, serves as a vital link to Nigeria's past and educates visitors about the country's diverse cultures and histories. Preserving
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a framework fosters a sense of identity and continuity within the community. Another example is the museum, which attracts local and international tourists, contributes to the economy and promotes cultural awareness.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the argument for preservation is not merely sentimental; it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has tangible benefits for the community and the economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a balanced approach is essential when considering the future of old public facilities.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the financial implications of maintaining these structures are significant, their cultural and historical value must be considered. Governments should prioritize the preservation of old establishments that hold considerable historical importance, like the National Gallery and the National Museum,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 exploring renovation options for those that may be less vital. Ultimately, a thoughtful strategy which combines preservation with modernization can lead to solutions
honoring
Change the spelling
honouring

The spelling of honoring is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 the past
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 addressing contemporary challenges. By doing so, cities can maintain their cultural heritage by evolving to meet their residents' needs. The dual approaches respect history and ensure that public architecture continues to serve their communities effectively.

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task response
Consider refining your examples to be directly linked to the argument you're making in that paragraph. For instance, while the example of the National Institution in Lagos is pertinent, elaborating on how exactly modern facilities would alleviate financial burdens would strengthen your point.
task response
Ensure that your examples and arguments are consistently clear and comprehensive. For instance, expand more on how preserving old buildings directly benefits the community and economy, providing specific instances where possible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more seamless transitions between points to improve the logical flow. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'Finally,' can help clarify the structure.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are adequate, further developing your conclusion to reiterate your main points more robustly would provide a stronger ending.
task response
You provide a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents clear and coherent arguments, which effectively support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The language used is appropriate and demonstrates a solid grasp of academic vocabulary and formal tone.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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