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Band 5.5

some people say that education should be the responsible of the government but others think that it is responsibility of individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #government #responsibility #individuals
There has been controversy about whether
education
 should be controlled by the authority or
individuals
. I think
individuals
 and the government should share the responsibility as both play an important role in educational promotion.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints. It must be acknowledged that the authority is responsible for schooling as it provides facilities and creates the conditions for people to access the best environment. To illustrate, in remote areas, they play a crucial role in enhancing facilities and infrastructure to establish good teaching conditions for teachers and students. The state has a large amount of money to allocate to that, thanks to taxes and the national budget, which is difficult for
individuals
 to do.
Furthermore
, they have the right and voice to raise funds to serve
education
, which is more reliable than an individual.
However
, schooling should
also
 be the responsibility of
individuals
. Every person who is conscious of learning and appreciates the opportunities created by the state will contribute to
education
 development.
This
 will maximize those chances. The state provides the conditions, and
individuals
 take advantage of them, which is the comprehensive growth of
education
;
conversely
, they will become meaningless. In conclusion, responsibility for
education
 belongs to both the government and
individuals
 as their cooperation will establish a developed
education
.
This
 essay has shown valid reasons to prove
this
 statement.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the main points could be further supported with more specific and detailed examples.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph fully explains one central idea. Your discussion about the government's role is clear, but the paragraph on individual responsibility could benefit from more depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on using more cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly. Though your message is clear, it could be enhanced by a more varied sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
When presenting arguments, try to balance both views equally before giving your opinion. In this essay, the government's role was emphasized more than the individual's role.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear statement of your opinion in the introduction and reiterated it in the conclusion, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your points about the government's responsibility provide good insight and show a strong understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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