IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people have the opinion that big shopping malls are expensive places as they offer high costs for the products which can be bought at much cheaper prices from local shops. On the other hand, some people think that such malls are absolutely the best places to visit for shopping. Discuss both the opinions and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your ans

#people #malls #places #offer #costs #products #prices #shops #hand #visit #ans
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opponents of shopping
malls
 argue that they are not affordable as you can find the same products for a low cost in local stores.
Whilist
Correct your spelling
Whilst
While
 proponents claim that if you want to have the best shopping experience you should choose shopping
malls
.
While
 both views have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own good points, I agree with a second point of view. It is undeniable that local stores may offer the same products for a convenient price in comparison to
malls
.
Besides
, their products are almost the same as famous
brands
 that can be found in
malls
. They are so realistic that you cannot tell the difference.
Moreover
, these shops are mainly situated in a close vicinity of our houses, so you do not
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 take a long bus trip to go to the city centre.
Addittionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
malls
 tend to be packed with a lot of people regardless of the day of the week. Sometimes it is impossible to walk peacefully there because of the crowd.
Nevertheless
, despite the abovementioned reasons,
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
a shopping
show examples
 mall is a better choice for a number of plausible reasons.
Firstly
, they offer you a wide range of
brands
in contrast
 to small boutiques.
In addition
 to
this
, not all
brands
 are as pricey as it is thought to be. You can find anything from
t-shirts
Capitalize word
T-shirts
show examples
 to dresses for an affordable price.
Secondly
, people do not only go to these venues to buy something but
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to take advantage of various
facillities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 like
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
,
book stores
Correct your spelling
bookstores
show examples
,
game
Correct word choice
and game
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, to name a few. These activities are no inseparable parts of
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
show examples
 experience,
therefore
 many people, including me pick
malls
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 disadvantages. In conclusion, local shops can be more advantageous in terms of price, but shopping
malls
 are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable for
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
brands
 and extra places
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 you can relax after an exhausting shopping marathon.
Submitted by Narmin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and presents both sides of the argument, though some points could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument. Make sure to support your main ideas with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a good introduction and conclusion. However, there are minor errors in conjunctions and transitions between ideas which slightly affect the flow. Improving these transitions will enhance the coherence of the text.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'Facillities' should be 'facilities', 'Addittionally' should be 'Additionally'). Proofreading your essay before submission will help catch and correct these mistakes.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, maintaining a logical order throughout.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and comprehensive, making it clear that you understand both sides of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: