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Band 4.5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women.

#people #men #women #job #jobs
Currently, equal
rights
 of
women
 and
men
 are not promoted in
UzbekistanWe
Correct your spelling
Uzbekistan
 can cite as an example that they are occupying high positions and achieving great achievements in various fields. Despite the
fact
 that
women
's
rights
 are defined by
law
, there are many who oppose it. We can know
this
 from the
fact
 that our
women
 are still facing various threats, are under various pressures, and their
rights
 are being violated. In
fact
, the
fact
 that our
women
 have the same
rights
 as our
men
 under the
law
 does not mean that our
women
 are superior to
men
 in the family.
Although
 it is established within the
law
, in terms of religion and sharia, the man always prevails in the family. A lot of family conflicts are caused by our
women
 and
men
 who do not understand
this
. The
law
 of equal
rights
 was issued mainly for the purpose of our
women
 getting education, holding high positions, freely expressing their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
, and protecting them from violence.
As a result
 of the President's actions, our
women
 are being given great legal opportunities. After the signing of the
law
, the number of entrepreneurs, high-ranking officials, and members of the senate is increasing among our
women
. There are even those who are running for the presidency. It must be admitted that our
women
 are still not equal to
men
 in some areas that require hard work, but it is clear to everyone that in other areas our
women
 achieve better results than
men
.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay needs a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Try to start with a general statement about the topic and then introduce your specific viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular fields or jobs where women have achieved high positions.
logical structure
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Use paragraphs to separate different points or arguments, and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
complete response
You have addressed the issue by discussing the current state of gender equality in Uzbekistan and mentioning various aspects such as legal rights and cultural practices.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have made an effort to discuss both the legal and practical sides of the issue, which helps to show a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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