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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The following two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #display #results #survey #popularity #leisure #activities #european #adults #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Given is a bar chart illustrating the manufacture and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of electricity in ten nations in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent from
information
Correct article usage
the information
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 supplied that the rate of
production
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
energy
Change preposition
of energy
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dominated
Add a missing verb
is dominated
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than
Change preposition
by
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 in all countries, except Germany.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as is presented in a graph, China (
production
Use synonyms
 5,398
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
,
consumption
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 5,322
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
) and the United States (
production
Use synonyms
 4,099
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
, 3,866
billion
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
) both had a much higher performance than the other eight republics. In third place, in
Use synonyms
energy producing
Add a hyphen
energy-producing
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 rank is Russia with equal
production
Use synonyms
1,057
Change preposition
of 1,057
show examples
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
1,038
Change preposition
of 1,038
show examples
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
 numbers. Meanwhile, 936,2 and 856,7
kWh
Use synonyms
 showed Japan in the illustration.
Also
Linking Words
, India - the fifth top state with 871
kWh
Use synonyms
 of power producing and 698,8 of used kilowatt.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as a pictorial suggests 618,9 and 499,9
kWh
Use synonyms
 presented Canada in 2014. The seventh civilization - France had 561,2
kWh
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 ,
462,9
Correct word choice
and 462,9
show examples
 of making
energy
Use synonyms
. Brazil
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 a little behind
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
France in
production
Use synonyms
 (530,7 of dynamism, 455,8 in using hydro). Before the
last
Linking Words
 one
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 Germany which had differences
that
Change preposition
from
show examples
 others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when producing
energy
Use synonyms
 was 526,6
kWh
Use synonyms
, expending of that was 582,5
kWh
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
 one is
Correct article usage
the Korea
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Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
 Republic 485,1
kWh
Use synonyms
 in
production
Use synonyms
 and 449,5 in
consumption
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, production, energy, billion, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • popularity
  • leisure activities
  • European adults
  • significant rise
  • steady
  • collectively
  • slight increase
  • emerged
  • accounting for
  • percentage of people
  • new leisure activity
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